Where am I going wrong

I fell in love with a guy I met during an exchange semester in Germany. It was the most beautiful thing ever. He was my first everything and also the first guy I ever opened up regarding my childhood abuse. 6 months down the relationship, we planned on doing our masters together in Germany and everything went smoothly. He did say in between that he wanted to apply to MIT for his ego validation but would only study in Germany. The moment we get our admits, he chooses MIT over the promise he made and doesn’t accept the fact that he fooled me. In the meanwhile he promises to drop the school whenever he would sleep with me but the moment I would be out, he would say that he can’t because he has family pressure. 1 year down the lane he started self harming and I tried a lot to stop him but failed terribly. He shares intimate details about our relationship with his friends and I don’t feel respected anymore but I love him so much that even after he has abused me, I am unable to end this. He has now made a rule that I need to obey for his mental health that we can only talk for 15 minutes in afternoon and I can’t ask him details of anything, that is, the conversation topic would be chosen by him. He has broken up with me multiple times but my depressed mind cannot let him go due to whatever memories and hope I have built in my head. I feel wrong leaving him like this and I cannot leave him either because of my intense devotion to him. What can me as a clinically depressed, cptsd holder do to someone like him who sometimes self harms and abuses drugs. I have left my masters in germany for him and ready to move to the US for him because I can’t live without him. What is wrong with me?