just my thoughts for tonight 6/26/23

I just realized why I do not like teenagers, after being one, but really looking back on my teen years and teens now, nothing changes, ya think ya know it all, everything is dramatic and so so important, the superficial things that are. But what really ticks me off is the saying something like time is wasted or youth is wasted on the young.

Whatever, they are annoying and I am glad I only have to deal with the ones that are in my family and not anyone elses'.

Social Security denied my disability, Sarcastic shocker! So tomorrow I go on the hunt to find the right lawyer. The last one I had was a bit of a shmuck. at least 4 or 5 years of my life are going down the toilet just waiting on the appeals process and it doesn't even promise I will be granted jack. It won't even bring me out of a hole financially. Also tomorrow I have a doc appointment, pre-op, gotta get chest xray, ekg, bleh bleh, towards my surgery I wana get done. An for what.

So I at a minimum wont be fat anymore. whoopdee flipping doo. I got nothing better to do, and I am pretending this is going to mean something in some fashion and might, just might, have a better impact on my life and change things around. It won't. It will help physically, but not mentally.

I have been in shape before. The Issues I had were still there, I just didnt know it had them, now, at least I know what I got. an my only answer is to just tread water and get disability. and then one day move out of this garbage state and go North into the country and hopefully find a quite, non-dog barking area to live in. All I want to hear are, bears, coyotes, wolves, and sasquatch.

Part of me really hopes, that once the weight is off, maybe i give eharmony a try again, and find a woman to spend my time with. Settle down with in some aspect and still leave this state, with her, to somewhere better.