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to my not friend anymore

User Profile: steph8402
steph8402 January 14th, 2024
i like to rant on my emails. but i thought i should do it in forums for a change. def TW in there. 
i wish i could tell you all the things that have happened
i wish i could talk to you about dumb ***.
or important ***
whichever works
but i wish i could 

now you have someone new probably to talk to about everything.
and i don't
i don't have a single friend to say hey i'm actually struggling and i want help. 
that just doesn't happen.
it's stupid.
i'm done
i'm so done.
i'm tired of a life that has absolutely no meaning to me.
while so many good things are happening in my life this school year.
i feel like what's the point.
nothing lasts
i'm just waiting for the ball to *** drop to the ground.
and while i'm waiting, i'm in limbo
i don't know.
all i know is i miss you.
maybe not the person.
but i miss that you listened.
you let me breakdown.
and sometimes i just needed to breakdown with absolutely no support
no comfort
and when i did need to breakdown and have comfort
you were still there
after you were gone i thought well i still have people by my side
i still have people that make me laugh and be happy
so why
why don't i have someone like you?
why out of all the people i know.
why can't one comfort me like you did
why can't someone see me breakdown
why can't one listen and understand
instead it's all a joke
i tried to run away from our school and make a new name for myself here
tried not to fake all of my happiness, and look sad when i needed to
but even when i was sad
even when i got kicked out and everyone knew
the friends that were supposed to be great friends
kept acting like i was fine?
why did everyone keep thinking i was happy?
just because i laugh at an obvious funny thing
why can't someone be concerned
or maybe worry a little.

maybe because i'm just not good enough.
maybe because i just always look happy 
maybe because i'm the extrovert in my friend group so they don't think i don't have any problems
maybe it's a me problem.
i'm flawed
and while every human is flawed. apparently i'm more flawed than others.

what a beautiful way to say i hate myself. 

but also

what a good way to hate myself in a subtle way.
"i'm just flawed"
6
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers January 20th, 2024

@steph8402

sending big hugs for steph buddy if okay. 🥺💜

1 reply
User Profile: steph8402
steph8402 OP January 20th, 2024

*hugs* thanks ni(:

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User Profile: 0hStraw
0hStraw January 20th, 2024

@steph8402 man i relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing its beautiful :)) Im in the same spot so maybe we can be friends, if not i know youll find someone that fills that spot. 💗

1 reply
User Profile: steph8402
steph8402 OP January 21st, 2024

yes let’s be friends(:

people are hard to find that don’t leave you. but i’m happy to get to know you more! haha thanks for saying it’s beautiful people tell me it sounds weirdly poetic and i’m like oh- well ok lol. i hope you have a good day(:

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User Profile: warmMemory6263
warmMemory6263 January 21st, 2024

@steph8402

I would say, what a lovely and honest post. It’s hard to be honest and open with oneself, especially for others to see and comment on. I commend you for being transparent and acknowledging your inner thoughts/feelings. I hope you may one day feel whole.

1 reply
User Profile: steph8402
steph8402 OP February 27th, 2024

@warmMemory6263

thank you(: it is hard to speak but i think just ranting and saying stuff is better than keeping it in:)

have a great day

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