Feeling Lesser.

The thought that I keep getting stuck on over and over again for quite some time is that I don't deserve to be treated well. I started working somewhere about two years ago and from the very beginning, I was treated with disrespect and rudeness. I don't feel like I am imagining this because another coworker once randomly asked me if my mentor was being mean to me (I lied and told him that nothing was wrong). I didn't change jobs because I felt like I had no where else to go. About a year ago, a new worker joined the team, and to this day, she is being treated very well, which makes me feel like I am less deserving. I can't help but compare myself with her and feel depressed again and again due to differences in our appearance, social skills, personality, etc. I just feel like the reason she is getting special treatment is because she is more feminine, more attractive, more polite, respects herself more, and is better able to establish boundaries. It just seems like I am not the type of person that deserves to be treated well.

Throughout the day, these thoughts trigger a mood swing. My days are not very productive, because I can't focus. I keep running the same thoughts over and over again in my head, and it is hard for me to stop this from happening.