Getting Real: I am a TRAIN WRECK
I am the most self destructive person I have ever met. Some of the things I have sabotaged in my life, 'normal' people work hard at and for years to establish. Yet me, I took a sledgehammer to anything good I had, and smashed it to pieces. Now, I have nothing and have to start over for the THIRD time. Why am I on a perpetual mission to self destruct. Any time I have something good, I destroy it. I am addicted to destruction.
Hi @My5sences. Self sobotage can become a habit perhaps because of fear of taking responsibility for oneself. It can be a frustrating and upsetting process. You have awareness and that is your strenght. It's good to hear you are not giving up and starting for the third time, Be patient and kind to yourself, You can do it 
@My5sences
Self sabotage is sadly very common and something i think a lot of people can relate to.To some extent most people do it - eating too much or things they know are unhealthy, spending money unecessarily, pushing people away they want to be close to etc You are aware that you do it and have shown resilence and courage by starting over before.
From experience I often relate self sabotage to a low self esteem, feeling unworthy of what we have and have acheived. Breaking the cycle, believing we are worthy, that we have earned and deserve what we have in life is important. How do you see yourself? Is it mostly positive or negative?
I would suggest if this resonates with you at all that you reach out to a listener or someone else you trust and look at ways you can boost your self esteem and feel less like sabotaging things in the future. Please feel free to message me if you think it would be useful at all. Take care and good luck with your new start
