How to form a habit

I find this great, insightful post about forming effectively new habits and I decided to share with you, lovelies ^^ It has really amazing advices and it already helped me a lot with my own goals. It was targeted to the students, but I think everyone can benefit from reading it. Again, the credit does not go to me - actual source can be found here.

"First of all, I want to point out that you should only work on one habit at a time. I have seen many ‘habit checklist that have 10+ items to do everyday, but it is best to form one habit at a time. For example, I taught myself to make my bed every day before leaving the house. After that, it is a habit, and I no longer needed a lot of effort to do this every day, so I could focus on a next habit if I wanted to. In theory, it only takes 21 days to form a habit. If you do this, you can still form 17 habits in one year (which you dont have to do tbh)

PHASE 1: habit phrasing

The first step is to write down your habit. This might seem trivial but is actually a crucial step. If you dont know what exactly you want to change and how, youre going to run into problems along the way. Keep in mind that your habit should be specific, measureable, achieveable and relevant. This is closely related to the SMART technique for goal setting. The SMART technique states your goal/habit should be:

Specific - dont say I want to live more healthy, say I want to exercise or I want to eat more vegetables

Measurable - using the previous example, dont say I want to exercise more, but say I want to do fitness twice a week. Imagining you can only communicate your goal in numbers might help. Phrase your habit in a way that enables you to say either ‘yes I did the thing today or ‘no I didnt do the thing today.

Achieveable - can you reach the goal youre setting for yourself? If you dont exercise at all, take the bus to school and only walk very short distances, its not likely that you are able to do very heavy exercising four times a week within

Relevant - is it important that you form this habit now? In theory, you can teach yourself anything you want, but it isnt always useful. You can teach yourself to water your plants everyday, but this might not necessarily help you in your day-to-day life. This certainly isnt the first step if you want to get your life together.

Time-bound - I think this one is more important in goals than in habits. Basically what you do is say I want to have achieved this goal by June 2016″ for example. In the case of habits, you might want to start tomorrow and just never stop, ideally. You can still use this when you need to build up. For example, you want to drinker 6 glasses of water each day, but you have a very hard time drinking water. First, you need to get used to drinking one glass, then two, etc. You can set a goal for your habits. Two months from now, I want to drink 6 glasses of water each day. Give it subgoals. One month from now, I want to drink 3 glases of water each day. (This is why goals and habits overlapping is kind of complicating sometimes, dont worry too much about this)

If youre not sure if your habit is ‘right, you can start phase 2. Often you will notice the gaps in your phrasing during observation.

PHASE 2: observation

In this phase, all you will be doing is observe the current behaviour without changing it just yet. This may seem useless. Why the hell wait if I can start today? However, it is important to take note of something called the ABC model. ABC stands for antecedent, behaviour and consequence.

Antecedent - this is what happens before you do/dont do The Thing. A good example is binging when youre sad. When you find yourself binge eating, think What just happened that made me binge eat? Perhaps someone made a condescending remark or you got a bad grade back. These antecedents can be events (such as nasty remarks or your own behaviour), but also thoughts (I am worthless) or emotions, or a combination.

Behaviour - what is it that you then do in response to this antecedent? An example is when you want to study each day between 10-11am. If you didnt do it, what happened that made you not do it (antecedent), and what did you do instead (behaviour)?

Consequence - what is the consequence of you (not) doing The Thing? So what happens after you do not study or do binge eat? Maybe you feel guilty, maybe something else happens. Observe.

Now what youre going to do, is make a plan to deal with these. Antecedents are very important. Make a ‘survival kit for bad days, for example. See if theres something you can do instead of your automatic response. And maybe afterwards, instead of feeling guilty you still do the thing. Make a plan for yourself. Say if X happens then I can do Y. Being aware of this ABC-model in your own behaviour can already improve how you react, without effortful change.

Also, add sticky notes where they might remind you of The Thing (on the fridge, above your bed, in your wallet…). They can break the A-B automatism.

PHASE 3: habit formation

You can teach yourself to form a habit using operant conditioning which is just a fancy term for rewarding or punishing yourself. Now, since your brain reacts more strongly to rewards than to punishment, I strongly suggest prioritising reward over punishment, but you can also have both. You dont need to stick to one form of reward/punishment either! Keep in mind that, to work best, your reward should be:

Big enough - it should of course be worth the initial struggle when forming a new habit

Contigent - The Thing should always be followed by the reward and The Not Thing should always be followed by the punishment

Direct - the reward/punishment should come directly after The Thing. If not, your brain (usually) doesnt connect the two and it doesnt work as well

KEEP IN MIND that having a reward that is related to your habit is often a bad idea. (If I wake up before 8am, Ill let myself snooze just once, If I eat two pieces of fruit, I can have a piece of chocolate cake. Of course, when I write it out like this it seems like a no-brainer, but it is a major pitfall.)

Add motivation. What you could also add to your plan, is some motivation other than the simple rewards. Write down why you are doing it. My daily decluttering habit was motivated by the ideal of living in a place that makes me happy. Its the Big Thing to keep in mind while working on the Smaller Thing. Adding motivational quotes (You can do it! Dont give up! Youve got this! etc.) everywhere is also nice.

While in the process of forming your habit, keep track of your progress. Log if you did it or not, and also the ABC: what happened before you did it? Try doing that more often! What happened before you did not? Try to avoid doing that! Keep note of what rewards work or dont work.

PHASE 4: maintenance or evaluation

So this is the situation. Youve followed the steps. Youve been conditioning yourself for a couple weeks. Now, lets say theres two possible scenarios.

A. You formed the new habit. Yay, congratulations! Now you have to make sure you keep this habit. Ideally, The Thing is now your new automatism and you dont need rewards or reminders anymore. If you chose the reward wisely, however, there is no need to really cut down on it. (It should not be taking up all your time or money, or be unhealthy for you.) Try to stay aware of your habit. And remember: one missed day is not a complete setback. Its just one missed day. You dont have to start all over.

B. You did not form the new habit. Now, its not that youre a failure. I promise. Something along the way went wrong. It is now important to evaluate the process, starting on the top of this post. Did you focus on one habit only? Was your habit SMART? Did you identify the ABC mechanism and make a survival kit? Were your rewards strong, direct and contingent? Use your habit journal to identify what went wrong and try to improve on those points when youre trying again.

Habits worth forming

>>> Health

brushing your teeth - this is one of the first habits I started to form. Taking care of your teeth is important ok folks, also flossing if you need it

taking your meds - that is, if you have any meds that you need to take daily. Set a timer on your phone each day & always carry them with you if you arent always home at that time. Or have them with your meal(s).

drinking water - I cant tell for you how much water you need, but 1,5 - 2L each day is often recommended. This doesnt have to be ‘pure water, you can also drink tea (preferable caffeine and theine free), or squeeze some lemon if you dont like the taste of water

having breakfast - start small with things you like and progress over time if you need to. This isnt an easy habit, so this probably takes more time, but be patient with yourself

doing something for yourself - (...) take good care of yourself. Doing something you intrinsically enjoy for 30 minutes each day. Not only does this make you happier, it can even increase your focus and motivation for studying

eating the healthy stuff - of course you have to specify this yourself. I myself really hate fruit, so this is something I have to work on

exercise - tbh exercise doesnt mean you have to have sweat running down your face, or hit the gym four times a week, or run a marathon. Just walking (maybe a bit faster than usual?) already helps. Take the stairs. Dance in your room to your favourite tune. Its ok. You dont have to have visible abs to be healthy.

>>> studying

studying each day - more zero-days (of zero studying) will make it harder for you to pick up the pace again. Your habit can be ‘study for 1 hour each day (which doesnt mean its your max, but you have to study at least one hour; of course more/less is also fine if thats your habit.)

not looking at your phone - while studying increases focus and it makes you feel more independent of your phone. You can use the Forest app.

sticking to a plan - ok this is a bit complex, but its related to habit forming at the very least. Make your planning reachable by first timing how long it takes you to do, for example, 10 pages reading. Then in your planning, make time estimates that are 2-2,5 your meassured time. For example, if it took me half an hour to read 10 pages, I will write in my planning that I need 2-2,5 hours to finish the other 20 pages I need to read. If you have only 1,5 free hours left today, plan ‘read page 10-20′. Reward if accomplished.

going to classes - ugh the weather is terrible and its so early and the teacher has such a boring voice, but yes, youre here! Super! You can get that spiced latte as a reward!

Unforming habits

Is a lot harder than forming them. Quitting smoking, stop getting Starbucks each day on your way to work, stop snoozing, drink less alcohol. Youve gotten so used to doing it, its done before you even become aware of it. Awareness is then the first step. Use post its as reminders in your wallet, your fridge, where ever you need them. If your habits are truly problematic in a healthy, social or occupational context, please consider talking to a trusted person or a professional.

And lastly…

Give yourself a break. Forming effective habits is hard and takes time and effort. Pat yourself on the back. If you dont succeed, maybe your habit wasnt specific, measureable, achieveable or relevant in the first place. Maybe your rewards werent appropriate or were delayed. Its ok. Try again. Try something else. Break the fucking rule. You dont have to be control princess to be happy."