If only I could be reanimated and flourish again

I'll give all the $ i have which isnt much in my pathetic unemployed slump for salvation from this paralyzing inertia that oppresses my spirit daily. I have no idea what to do with my life. I quit the teaching career that I was not cut out for and that battered me eviscerated me wore me down to the point where i was hanging by a thread... surviving each day with unbearable anguish. i need thriving again. I feel worthless every day. I know I will never find love because all they all see with uniform disgust or indifference. I would give anything to break from from the stranglehold that manacle my creative engine... i am so fucking vexed no way of expressing how it's a disease cankering inside gnawing me up smothering my drive. autumn is my favorite time of year... i wish i could draw on inspiration. i wish the blood would flow again that I would feel freed up and could finally finish my story that i fell in love with and that inspired my imagination more than any previous creative endeavor. but alas i feel locked up. stuck. stagnant. sterilized. stifled. static. i need a release from this killer [edited by Eccho because of inappropriate Langage] ruining my life and my mood 24/7