struggling with work and home life
So I started a new job in october and I have been struggling with it since. It is something I have never done before and I have recently been pulled up a few times being told I need to make more of an effort and work hard.
One of my colleages spoke to me and told me I had depression and I needed counselling (which is why im here).
I find myself unable to put the effort in because I an struggling so much to understand what I need to know. I got pulled up again today and was told to go home early and have a think and It may mean I need to part ways with the company. ( so I have now started looking for a new job even though I love the company I just don't think i can cope with a certain colleage or the job role itself)
I am also stressed at home. I live with my mum and boyfriend but sometimes It gets too much with my health problems (one being chronic fatiuge) and being moaned at by my mum for not helping etc.
I'm 20 and I feel like a teenager who is still in highschool. I've helped my mum through alot and have always been there, sometimes I want to move out and live alone wtih my boyfriend but then I don't want to leave my mum alone, single and in a house she can't afford else her depression with get worse. I would love to buy the house which is another reason I don't want to leave. But I feel like I am the parent and I am looking out for her and looking after her.
I am unable to talk to her because I mentioned once before that it would be nice having a place to myself and she got upset and thought I didn't want to be around her.
It just all gets to me and I get distant and snappy with her even though I don't want to...
Anyone been through anything like this or have any ideas?
Thanks in advance
@Zeaeldathornn
Wow, that sounds tough. I'm sorry you've got to go through that, but I'm glad you're here :) Sorry you didn't get a reply sooner; how have you been? Hopefully you're doing great XD
I'm not sure if this applies to you, but have you tried our Work Related Stress self help guide? It can be found here. Other than that, our depression self help guide can be found here. I'm not sure what you could do about your job, but if you think that's the best decision, then by all means, go ahead. I'm sure you'll be able to make the right choice :)
I'm sorry, it sounds like your mom doesn't understand what you're going through. May I ask if you've done anything about your chronic fatigue? Just in case, here are four links for you that may help: one, two, three, and four. That's incredibly responsible and thoughtful of you, though. It's awesome that you're so considerate! It sounds like it's hard to communicate with your mom about your worries, but perhaps there is another way to get through to her?
Thank you for reaching out :)
@windflowers I ended up leaving my job, luckily they are paying till the end of January to give me time to find something new.
I will take a look at them posts, I just don't know what to do about home life now, I never want to leave my room because I don't feel like socialising but then I have my mum on my back moaning and we go in an argument today.
I don't think there is a way to talk to her without her getting upset or annoyed about things. I don't even want to leave my room today because I don't wanna talk or get into another argument.
@Zeaeldathornn
I see, that really does seem tough. I'm so sorry; that definitely isn't something that's ideal, and it sounds like a lot to deal with right now! I'm glad you're still surviving and managing to get through every day, though -- that's an achievement in itself.
Hopefully the links help. I'm not quite sure what else you could do except maybe go to counseling -- would that be an option? Not for you specifically, more like you and your mom to help you sort out stuff with someone to act as a mediator. Would that be something you'd consider?
All the best :)
@windflowers I don't think I'd want to do that, I have to be careful what I say and sometimes I get build up anger and say stuff. It actually took a turn for the better a few weeks ago, mum found a man was going great I told her I wanted to move out, now she's kicking him out for reasons and now I feel like I'll never leave home. I'm starting to feel more and more frustrated that my brothers left and having a great life where I'm left behind putting everyone else before myself picking up the pieces and nothing goes in my favour. I really thought this would work out for my mum but she always pushes people away in relationships. I'm just not sure how much more I can take before I flip about. Everyone else has it so good in the family and I'm always the one helping and supporting with little to nothing back. I've always gotta be the "strong one" and never put my burdens on anyone else so people wonder why I get snappy
@Zeaeldathornn
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. But if you ever want someone to share your burden with, all of us are here for you, so please don't hesitate to reach out! All the best, and I really do hope it gets better for you.
When I started university I stuggled because such a lot was expected of me. I could not talk to my mum because she expected me to work all the time. She was so pushy. She also made me go and watch newcastle united with her. Although I like football I am not a big fan of newcastle united. My mum struggled to accept this and as a result I found it difficult to frelax. I was on the virge of tears all the time. You are not alone. I hope that my storyy helps.
@crimsonMelon8700
Hey. I know you weren't directing this post at me, but I just wanted to say that if you ever wanted someone to talk to, the forums are always open, and so are the chatrooms and feed. I'm sorry you had to go through that; that does sound tough. How are things now, if I may ask? Best of luck, and thanks for posting :)
@windflowers things can still be hard. Right now I just want a glass of wine and a good cry. My mum is furious with me. I know that she is worried about my health but it is so difficult for me to talk to her. I just want her to understand me. We all have ways of coping but it does not mean that we are bad people.
@crimsonMelon8700
That does sound hard; I'm so sorry. Perhaps you could check out the links I attached above, though? Hopefully everything works out soon, and until then, stay strong. Best of luck!
@windflowers I hope that things do work out. I sometimes wsh that my mum would not judge me all the timme. I feel as though she wants to have complete control over me.
@crimsonMelon8700
Aw, that's hard. Best of luck :)