Attachment Issues - RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder
I always knew I had issues as a kid. Imnearly 25 and Ive finally accepted that hugs arent all bad. Ive had 2 good hugs in my life that have helped me realize that. But I do know that I have/did suffer from reactive attachment disorder.
My Mom mentioned it (but obviously she did fuck-all to help me)
This was me as a kid:
-An aversion to touch and physical affection.As a kid I said "ew" when touched.
-Control issues.Most children with reactive attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control and avoid feeling helpless.
-Anger problems
-Difficulty showing genuine care and affection.
This is me now (all below):
-Depression
-Inability to form meaningfulrelationships
-Low self-esteem
-Self-reliance; prefers to work alone than with others
-Views relationships as threatening, or not worth the effort
-May be a workaholic, as a way of avoiding relationships
-Feelings of being unique
-Grandiose or unrealistic fantasies
-Sees relationships as imbalanced
-Oversensitive to rejection, easily gives in to jealousy
-Sees others as being difficult to understand
-Unable to understand the concept of altruism
-Extreme emotions
-Often do not remember much of childhood experiences
-Preoccupied with relationships, and easily makes declarations of affection
-Feels underappreciated
-Many short-term relationships
-Idealizes others
And the list goes on, and on...
:(
Im going to try to get over this. I currently struggle with Anxiety, depression, self hate, and RAD doesnt help things. I dont want to be afraid of people forever but its hard to start when Im too scared to go out alone and meet new people to try and make friends, and its even worse when the depression has reduced my motivation to nothing and has eliminated my interests/hobbies.
My husband has attachment issues, but he will not confront it or admit he has problems. He just blames his issues on me. He is suffocating, needs reassurance ALL the time that I love him, wants me w/him 24/7, doesn't trust me alone or w/anyone else, is seriously insecure but won't admit it and that's why everything he does needs to be PERFECT .. I know that he told me a few years ago that he moved away from home when he was 14 and started living his own life and taking care of himself really young. I'm wondering if that is part of the reason he is so screwed up? He is always there for his older sister and let his big brother move in w/us b/c he needed a place to stay .. but my husband has serious problems that he won't share or take care of.