Depression - The Million Dollar Question!

I suffer with depression. I push my friends away from me because they don't deserve to be treated with the way I treat people when I have these waves of sadness. Sometimes it gets so bad, I don't talk to anyone for days. I don't want to hurt people the way I have been hurt and that's why I don't like to share anything. Also, when I share some things, they get spread around or I feel bad for putting my issues onto them and running their day. Because I feel this way, I always feel bad on them and that I am doing them a favour. I hope this answers your question or at least gives you an idea as to why. I'm sorry.

I generally push people away when I get scared they wont accept me with the depression. Its as if I got into a depression and my brain goes "okay, so we cant have these people around anymore, because if they see how gross we are they will leave for sure. So just be mean to them so they go away that way instead"

But, personally, Im not sure. ive never had a friend stick around long enough for me to ever tell them how depressed I am at times. So these days I would do anything to have someone by my side just sitting there. They wouldnt have to do anything for me. Just sit there and remind me that they were still there. The reminders are key. My depression loves it when people ditch me, because then it can make more things for me to cry about :)

I have trouble connecting with people on an emotional level. I don't feel emotions often and I don't know how to really deal with them when I do. Sometimes I think people want me to be a typical emotional girl who can comfort them or let myself be comforted, but I can't. Even when I think I should do this or that, all that ends up happening is that I wont say anything or will distance myself.

Then there's the trust issue. I think in the past I've had enough issueswith people betraying my trust that its hard for me to talk to anyone about anything any more. Recently I've been creating my own enemies, when in reality they probably will never exist. When I'm having a bad day, I tend to feel like the world isagainst me. I feel like people don't like me, and details hurt me and I just want to separate myself from that. Especially when I've seen someone do something to someone else that they could potentially do to me. For example,I've felt like my "friends" don't want me around, so I stop talking to them because I know they will pretend they like me even if they hate me, like I've seen them do to others, so I just separate from them. I don't want to force them to be with me, I don't want to feel like I did something wrong...

Other times I feel the people I do trust wouldn't really understand. And the ones that would, are just as damaged and I don't want to hurt them more. I told my mom I had a panic attack a few months ago and she was really upset because she's blames herself for it; I remember how severely depressed she was a few years back and I wouldn't want to see her like that again.

to be honest, when you have negative thoughts, its easier to write to strangers who wont judge you, or to no one. some people are just not ready to speak up, either it scares them or they don't feel safe, so they dont

I have depression since 3 years ago, I don't know in your case but in mine I suffered a very pain joke (bullying) from my school partners. I think that in all of case ther was a detonat but there are a lot of behind the detonat. A lot of years suffering verbal bullying in my case, a lot of pain

It really differs from person to person. Some push people away because they're afraid of hurting their feelings, others push them away because when your depressed doing anything other than get lost in your thoughts feels like a burden.