Disabled and feeling useless

 I have been fighting mental illness for at least 10 years now. It has been a struggle however, in the past I was able to fight against it. Now I can't and it is extremely hard for me. My girlfriend before we even got together knew I had mental illness. Things were great in the beginning due to my stubborn nature and pushing myself to work. As fore mentioned though I can no longer. We are now struggling for money and it has put a great stress on her and I's relationship. I no longer able to work and her being having difficulty working due to complications (they will soon pass just for now it's a problem). Knowing the strain it puts on her and I to not have the money I took it upon myself to try and do things that could possibly help. Small things such as showering less, eating less, only washing my clothes when hers need to washed, and the one big thing which in itself is a risk starting a business which was only possible because a friend of mine gave me some money to start it. Well one day my GF and I were out door dashing and we had a spat when I used the work "sacrifice" to describe how I felt about the things I was doing e.g. not having clean clothes to wear. She was upset by my use of the word as it made her feel like what she was doing was less than what I was doing. I did not mean that and in reality I would give up much more and take more risks if I could. Now I feel like I have many years ago. Always saying sorry, trying to do things perfectly, staying quiet, not complaining when things bother me, avoiding conversation whenever I can, boosting her up with not just compliments. I don't mind making her feel good but, I see the pattern of my behavior. I know we won't break up for personal reasons but instead of communicating like I usually do I'm silent trying to not give insight on how I feel inside of fear my feelings aren't warranted or fear of over shadowing her feelings. I'm not sure what to do at this point im very depressed but when she comes home I put on a fake smile and laugh. Because at the end of the day it feels like saying my feelings either won't matter because feelings don't produce what we need or the harsh reality sets in to let me know all the things im doing a worthless anyways. To be honest im not sure what I need and most things seem pretty hopeless.