Help Me Help A Friend
Thankfully my mental health has been on the up and up for months now, and I've been really happy. Not thankfully, my best friend hasn't had as much luck. She rarely talks about serious things, and (semi) recently over the summer I pushed her to tell me what was bothering her. She broke up with her boyfriend before that because she was planning to kill herself before school started, and said she had cut herself. I talked with her for awhile and she seems to be in a better place. She made up with her boyfriend and told him about everything. She really seemed happier and everything was getting better.
Recently she keeps saying she doesn't believe in being vulnerable. That it serves no purpose. This is in front of her boyfriend, and as I've heard from him and his best friend, she doesn't talk to him about serious anything. When they do, they never agree. And I don't either, because she says there is no point caring if you or someone else dies. She also says she's ugly all the time. Obviously not just "I'm ugly", but putting herself down.
She keeps starting fights when all of our friends are together, because everyone agrees that its not healthy to shut yourself in like she does and she insists on talking about these controversial-but-not-actually-controversial things. I know I need to talk to her, because I'm the only person who can get her to actually talk, although that takes some effort. When we try to talk in a big group, it gets out of hand and obviously doesn't help.
It would help me so immensely if anyone had advice as to how to talk to her. I want her to be able to talk to me or her boyfriend, so she can get things off her chest and feel better again. Evidence that therapy and talking helps would be great, too, because she's a very science/proof oriented person. If you need any more information, feel free to ask. Thank you for reading and helping. Hopefully I can talk to her in a few days and things will get better. Wish me luck.
@IAmNotBroken
I'm not a doctor or a psychologist but I can tell you I've heard many success stories about anti-depressants especially SSRIs, more so than the tragedy stories where patients weren't being supervised close enough. I've made online friends elsewhere with many people who have told me such successes. People in my own family too who have taken anti-depressants mostly for the better. I've been there myself and sort of lucked out having a friend that needed anti-depressants before me and was able to vouch for a specific SSRI which is what helped me take the leap of faith. I also felt more trusting of it after doing research on some types of anti-depressants in college to demystify it's effects on the brain.
Mine has helped me feel more like living and more energized to feel like I can enjoy things again (after dosage adjusted for side effects being too much for me but I stuck with it at lower dose with doctor's instuctions/approval and the time it took for the brain to gradually balance the right amount serotonin, improvement seemed noticable a day or two after the side effects subsided). Both my friend and I were/are on escitalopram oxalate (Cipralex). The psychiatrist here said it's one of the SSRIs she prescribes most often because of it's success rate with minimal side effects in most people. Everyone is different and there are a lot of different options. Some people won't need to be on SSRIs forever and may never need it again after the first year or so (never stop without doctor supervision). You may not be able to get her to open up to the sort of help she needs but I assure both of you chances are much better that she'll feel well again after help than if she ends it all because then she'll never know.
Other things that can help her brain chemistry regardless of whether or not she chooses any SSRI as treatment are basics for good health overall like exercise, getting all the vitamins needed especially D3 (the dairy + sunshine vitamin) and talking to a psychologist wherever possible. These last things may not be easy enough to maintain without the added motivation energy that SSRI can provide. They have saved many lives. I'm no doctor but I hope she has a good one that will listen to her if she ever reaches out for help.
Lastly but not least if she doesn't reach out don't blame yourself for it. Only she can make that choice. Outside of informing her of resources, success rates of specific therapies, offering a ride if she wants it, being with her as support and letting her know she's not alone in what she feels (no really, some feel that aweful for their whole lives cause of something their parents did or society not accepting them as beautiful as they are or deformities from birth making them falsely think nobody will love them or even just feel that way for seemingly no reason whatsoever), ultimately it will be her that chooses to see what's on that next page of her story.
So many semi-colon ";" tatoos out there all usually meaning, "My story isn't over yet."
@CoinFountain Thank you for your help :)
@IAmNotBroken
I am sending her and you my best wishes. You are a good friend.
While I wouldn't rule out SSRIs, I would suggest trying therapy and lifestyle changes first. It may be that she'll find it easier to talk to a counsellor or doctor than the people close to her. If you can subtly remind her of these options by sharing some of your experiences of the help you received, that might encourage her. I know the statistics surrounding CVT are favourable. It may also be that she needs support, but doesn't want to be pressured to share.
If you haven't tried this already, you could approach her in private and let her know casually that she doesn't have to tell you anything if she doesn't want to, but that you will help her find help if she needs it. Or that she can call, hang out or ask you for help at any time.
I hope she is in a better place now. Best of luck!
@littleWater7718 *CBT (It autocorrected.)
