I feel more awake when I'm dreaming
I've told so may lies that I don't know who I am anymore. I have voices in my head that tell me how pathetic and worthless I am, how very little would change if I didn't exist. I am ashamed to say that, although I have lead people to believe that I am recovering, blades are my only friends on those long dark nights when my mind won't let me sleep. That's most nights. I am afraid and alone and hopeless and I wish that I could escape from my head, from expectations, from judgement and from this life. I don't even know whether I'm sane anymore. Does anybody know what I mean? Any advice? Anything?
I feel like this quite often...
The voices in my head are critical of me too and they tell me that I'm stupid, ugly, fat, lazy and a waste of space. They constantly berate me and its very hard to ignore them. I never had them before. They seem to be new. I've always felt judged by others and never felt like I fit in anywhere. I'm sorry that you deal with it too but at the same time,I'm glad that I'm not alone in my struggle. I wish I knew what I coulddo(other than suicide) in order to silence them forever.