My first experience in the ER for depression/suicidal thoughts/plan

Hi there,

Yesterday I went to the ER. Reason: depression and suicidal thoughts/plan. I thought it would help me but it was not a pleasant experience and I feel even less validated.

I have 4 official diagnoses: BPD, depression, anxiety and ED. I depersonalize a lot, I'm a former physical self harmer, had suicidal thoughts for more than a year, getting worse in the past 3-4 months.

The reason I went to the ER it's because I wanted to get admitted inpatient, to get some meds that actually work for me, to make me decently functional at work because I have to work, I need an income. I went with my friend, I couldn't have done it all alone. She also helped tons by talking to the psychiatrists and trying to convince them of my situation.

They admitted me to the ER, gave me a room. I had to wait for a couple of hours to see a psychiatrist. I saw a psych resident and her student instead. I told them my history, all the anti-depressant I've tried that haven't worked, the 2 psychiatrists I've seen as an outpatient, and the waiting lists I'm on for treatment (BPD, ED and depression). I also explained that I'm unable to function, I want to end my life and I do have a plan but that I won't act on it immediately. They assessed me and decided to keep me for the night. I was going to be assessed yet again by a psychiatrist the following morning.

I am currently on Seroquel and tapering off Effexor but I still need to take it everyday otherwise I get bad withdrawals. They never asked me what meds I'm currently on (even though I mentioned to the psych resident during the initial assessment) so they didn't give me any meds. The following day I was having pretty annoying withdrawals, I finally told the chief nurse but she said she had to order it with the doctor, so nothing that could be done (!!!). Needless to say I spent almost 2 days without my meds. I was stripped off my personal belongings on arrival which is fine.. but then the meds I had on me on my arrival were locked in a special safe. When my parents came to visit me in the ER the nurse gave my parents the meds I had on me on my arrival which is something I never wanted my parents to know I'm taking!!! The nurse did that without my consent, I'm 24 to me that was a breach of confidentiality!!! All she told me was ''I gave the meds to your parents, is that okay?''.. There are a few other things that happened that will take too long to explain and unnecessary, but it made my experience worse, such as another nurse making comments on my self harm scars ''you've been cutting yourself huh'' - no sh*t this is psychiatric ER why is that a surprise...

Fast forward to the following day - So I went through yet another assessment the second day, with a psychiatrist, which decided that my suicidal thoughts are chronic and not acute, and since I never attempted suicide there is nothing really they can do to me other than discharge me..with a new anti-psychotic prescription (aka Seroquel XR instead of regular Seroquel which makes me drowsy).

This was my experience in the ER, I was expecting to go inpatient for a few days at least so they can medicate me, see which meds work, which don't.. to date I'm still nonfunctional really.. They never assessed my job situation, didn't tell me if I should take time off the job or not..I have to see my family doctor which is another joke.. she doesn't prescribe me anything new since I will start BPD therapy in a month. But who would be in the mood for therapy when all they can think about is dying?!

In any case, if anyone has good ER experience feel free to share.

Thank you if you read until the end.