What is going on here? "Voices" or Intrusive thoughts?
So I've been suffering from chronic depression and anxiety for about nine years. I don't have the money to see a therapist or anything and the internet isn't great for figuring things like this out because it doesn't know my situation in the least. I'm hoping some people here will be able to help me suss through this.
Recently I've started to get "intrusive thoughts" but I'm not sure that's what I want to call it. I don't want to call it "voices" either. But I get these thoughts that sound like they're not my own. They're never particularly disturbing in themselves, its just disturbing that it happens at all. It feels like these thoughts are coming from an outside source and I can't make them come or go, hence why I've taken to the "intrusive" aspect of the phrase. Intellectually I know they must be my own thoughts and so I've been calling them intrusive thoughts. They usually come in sounding like someone else's voice, and normally they will just say my name once or twice and go away. They might say rude things if I'm having an anxiety or panic attack, or remind me of something that happened in a dream last night, or it might even say random gibberish. Sometimes it says things that sound significant to me at first, but turn out to be gibberish. This doesn't happen every day by the way, just every so often. I haven't noticed any patterns for what triggers it other than perhaps exhaustion.
The reason I don't want to call this "intrusive thoughts" is because that seems to be something completely different than what I'm experiencing based on my short internet research. Many of these thoughts don't seem to be particularly disturbing. I don't want to say its "voices" either because its not distinct or anything, I don't feel as if I'm beset by these thoughts or controlled by them, its more like a day dream than anything and its just off putting. I'm just worried that it will get worse if I don't figure out why its happening.
@Ashdasdardly I understand that this must feel confusing and concerning to you. I'm glad that you reached out, and that you're trying to figure out what might be going on early on.
You might find this link useful. I think some of the people shared experiences similar to yours on this forum thread: https://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/topic/34995-intrusive-thoughts-vs-hearing-voices/ "They can be anything, from having a go at me to telling me to self harm (thankfully these aren't so bad these days) to just saying random words or calling my name." "My thought insertion is thoughts that are in my own voice, but I feel no connection to the thoughts like they are obviously not mine."
@Ashdasdardly From experience, I can say that the "intrusive thoughts" are your own thoughts. They may be unwanted, but it is your brain's way of trying to put you down because you're feeling stressed, insecure, guilty, or any negative emotion. It is very common, believe it or not. You are subconsciously telling yourself that you're disappointed or angry in the way your life has been going or the decisions you have made. People do this all the time. When they report of a voice that screams at them with words such as "useless," "pathetic," "ugly," "fat," etc, it is really THEM saying those words.
I know that may be hard to believe. Last year, I went to the school counselor and said I might be schizophrenic. What I later realized, however, was that I was under an enormous amount of stress. I also realized that the counselors at my school don't like me or care about me at all, but that's beside the point. It was stress that caused me to be subconsciously cruel to my own self. If you can find a way to de-stress and relax each day, I assure you, the voices and thoughts will lose their strength. It won't be as strong or frequent as it is now. And, if it's a confidence issue, then finding things you like about yourself (focus on your personality, rather than looks) will help too.