thinking about suicide every day
I should have been as though I had not been. I should have been carried from the womb to the grave.
I am unequivocally an all around fucked up pathetic trainwreck of a failure and a severely depressed motherfucker.
let me sleep for eternity.
never wake up again,
no dreams left for me but dreams about leaping off the edge of a precipice or the pumping of a lead painkiller right through my head piercing straight into the skull, null and voiding my final thought, and blowing out my brains for whom the shotgun spits its last shell or the tasting of a toxic chemical cocktail that doesnt go down too well but sure as hell numbs me the fuck out of this emotional internal turmoil of hideous hell as i toll the bell of my own silent death knell while the world shrivels up, everything goes black and i get kicked out forever from the shithole of this rotten, mangled, depression-devoured fleshy shell. Alls well that ends well, even better if it puts an end to all this hell— just hope it doesn't continue, dying only to end up in the bottomless pit dead-end of eternal Hell.
@hollowman84
This is a lot. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I bet theres not much that I, a stranger, could say to make you feel much better because I know that changing our minds about what we think of ourselves is so hard. But first off - you are not alone. And that means there are people out there who can empathise, and who can help.
You are not rotten or toxic or born to die - you feel this way about yourself, but you are a living breathing feeling human and you deserve to live and feel happiness that I bet you felt before these feelings started. I really wish you well, I hope that you find help to deal with your depression and that you just keep going, because you deserve happiness.
