How do you make an impossible decision?
I found out some things my husband was doing online and actively lying to me about, and confronted him. He was unapologetic and said it was my fault, and said it’s up to me to decide if we stay together or divorce. That I had to decide if I considered it cheating or not, as if none of it mattered because it wasn’t in person.
We have three pre-teen/teen kids. He wants me to commit to a decision right away to either leave or pretend everything is OK and I can’t think clearly. How do you make a decision when both choices feel impossible?
@littleMango5306
Hey I am sorry you have to deal with this situation. It must be devastating to hear something like that from someone you care about. I sincerely hope things get better soon and you gain clarity about what to do next. Know that you are very important and you wellness matters, no matter what anyone else thinks about you or has to say.
@littleMango5306
You don't have to accept his framing. You can decide on your own pace how you feel and what you want to do.
About divorce: Getting divorced is a major life decision. You are in the middle of a major trauma, and they say you should never make a major life decision while in emotional trauma.
Take your time, think about what YOU want, get support from friends and family, maybe a therapist, and don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision before you are ready.
About staying silent and pretending nothing happened: of course that's what he wants you to do. That makes his life easier. It's not fair that he is blaming you and is angry at you, but that doesn't mean he is right or that you are doing anything wrong by being upset and wanting to talk about it.
It's up to you. But I think you already know your stance on the matter. The fact that he's unapologetic and doesnt care if you leave him is enough information. Consider what would be best for yourself and if you can actually live without him. Think of the steps you can do on your own to move forward. If a man doesnt want to make it work why should you carry all the burden.
@BuriedStar
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he doesn't care if she leaves. That could be shame and defensiveness talking.
She needs to decide what she genuinely wants, without the pressure of a ridiculous three day deadline.
That could be true or not. It's hard since we don't know the full picture. I hope she finds what's best for her first. It's a difficult situation indeed. Hoping she can figure it out whatever happens.
@BuriedStar that's exactly why we don't give advice at cups 😊
