Paranoid, what could it be?
Hello everyone.
For many months I've been feeling paranoid and a having a lot of thoughts that I don't want to have. I always feel like I have somebody with me, like men watching me in my house. There were a couple of months I was legit scared to be alone at home because I would claim I would see a huge man at my home. I knew it wasn't true and it was all in my head but I was still very much afraid, to the point that I couldn't do basic things. I couldn't sleep, I was too scared to be sleeping and being watched. I was scared someone was behind the bed or in the house. I would always go from room to room to search for someone. Not only that, but the intrusive thoughts were and are bad too. I can be walking down the street and I'll be thinking awful things like a car passing by and I'll think it will destroy my. Or sometimes I think i should take knives and put them inside me. Even worse things.
I used to take pills to control my humor since I have BPD, I took 2, but since these were so frequent I began to think it could be from the pills, even tho I've had this before, they became stronger. I started to take just 1. I honestly don't want to continue the medication since it might be just the meds and shit that happened in my life this year. But I honestly don't know if i have something else other than BPD. I'm beginning to think I might have something else too.
@amyd66
it must be terrified to be this way all the time. i was a bit paranoid myself, brought up by parents who has mental health issues, including paranoia to be burglarized. over the years, i realized that i was my own worst enemy and not some other people. in a sense of self-sabotaging myself and wasting my money. that realization made me less paranoid. in your case, it may be more than that. you need to check with your psych doc and shift therapy if needed. please...
@LostTurtle22 thank you so much for your kindness. I'm sorry you had to experience similar things, since it is truly terrifying.
I've seen my psychiatrist. She told me this was a result of trauma and that I have impulse phobia
@amyd66
yes, trauma will do it. my parents were traumatized themselves and i had PTSD at some point myself. but you can get better. i believe in you. i need to look up that impulse phobia.
Oh thank you <3 you are so kind you really are, thats so refreshing to see. I hope it will get better.
OMG, i looked up that impulse phobia and i had that myself when young adolescent. i was afraid to be near a cliff or height, as i was afraid i would jump from it. it was so weird and disturbing while i was not really that much suici***, even though i was sad and depressed.
Thanks for helping me understand myself. you have a good therapist, a keeper!
I'm happy this post helped you too in a way <3
