Why is it so hard to make friends?
I find it so hard to make friends. I made friends through school and university wouldn't say easily but somehow managed to make friends and they all turned into long term friendships. I moved to a different country for university and I guess my social skills have just suddenly dropped and I couldn't make any friends. Its not even about the culture I can't make friends in my same culture.
I find it very hard to maintain long distance friendships over phone calls and over time even my long term friendships turned obsolete and our friendship has also changed over time. Now I hardly speak with anyone. I don't know how and where to meet new people and make friends. I wish it were easy why is it so hard to make friends as you grow older? And why can't people just be open to friendships in general? I always try to turn every interaction I have people into a potential friendship but l don't get the same energy from them.
@fairmindedApricot4117
Hello and welcome to 7 Cups 😊
I am afraid there might be no single answer to your question.
Do you think there is anything specific in the culture of the country you are studying in? For example in my land, unfortunately, people make friends easier when you drink alcohol with them. But, what is more positive, they tend to like people who are true and coherent in what they say and do rather than people who try to be nice and friendly (to the point that too much openness can be seen as suspicious).
Maybe some differences also come with our age? When we grow and are getting older our expectations towards friendships may increase, while our priorities can change (work, university career, relationship/marriage, children and so on...) and we may go short of time more often.
Also, building a friendship is a long-lasting process, and you can easily lose a friend when you accidentally hit his or her vulnerability point (like not accepting his invitation or forgetting to send him Christmas wishes).
Sometimes you can try to make friends e.g. with people from your therapy group, but outside the therapy room they may appear to be different than you imagined. Some hobby groups are a bunch of people who know each other for years and are actually not very much open to accept any new members.
How do you think, what could be the most important making friends factor in your current situation?
@fairmindedApricot4117 I hear you, making friends as an adult can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. It’s tough when you’re putting yourself out there and not getting the same energy back.
@fairmindedApricot4117
Long distance anything is difficult. Like friends/maintaining friendships for example bc friends are meant to see, hang out, spend time, socialize with each other in person whenever possible but long distance makes those possibilities even rarer than if you and your friends were living in the same neighborhood, on the same block, or few blocks away from each other which is why it’s difficult to maintain those friendships over long distance.
Another reason making friends is difficult and this is from my own experiences is bc people or everyone have their own set of whatevers to be able to be friends with you. In my experience this is most common during child/kid years and teen years. But everyone’s also judgmental and/or too critical which lasts forever regardless of age. That also makes it harder to make friends too.
@fairmindedApricot4117 Hi. I don't know why and I don't have much to offer other than understanding. I really understand. And I think it's beautiful that you try to turn interactions into friendships. I am like you when I see potential in it and it hurts when my effort is like hitting a wall. Please don't change. You give me hope.
Same
@fairmindedApricot4117 Hey there friend. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and dealing with that. Making friends and keeping them can be very difficult and almost impossible sometimes. I don't have an answer, but I say keep your chin up cause it's not our fault if people don't want to be our friends or things just don't work out :)