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We need a program for men who cannot get into relationships

User Profile: miraculousStar1552
miraculousStar1552 October 23rd, 2023

I don't know where else to post this, but I want to pose it as a suggestion to the relationships sub-section of 7cups. The number of chats I've taken as a listener where members cannot get into a relationship is what makes me bring this up. The pattern seems to be:


  • I'm X years old and never been in a relationship (false implication here that somehow they are entitled to being in a relationship by Y years of age, but they are X, and X > Y)
  • When asked why they aren't in a relationship, it very often comes back to "I'm not attractive enough". This is very closely related to body image issues that are usually seen in women, but I don't feel they are adequately addressed here for males who cannot get in a relationship
  • Very often, the men who claim this will actively refuse to change anything whatsoever about themselves. In other words they will often reiterate that "attractive men have X feature, I have Y, therefore there is no way I can possibly get into a relationship because it's physically impossible to have X if I wasn't born with it". This is the hardest part as a listener because they will refuse to listen when told that women are a diverse category, and there are women who will appreciate their features.
  • This group constantly gets written off (in other online communities) as "incels", however this word is very derogatory and it's imperative that we as listeners do not refer to them as such (even if they self identify as that). I'm not an expert in psychology, but I see this enough to think that we need to have some kind of training or group for it, if it doesn't exist already. I don't know how best to help them, but I know we have to do something. And that's why I'm bringing it up. Let's discuss it here
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User Profile: miraculousStar1552
miraculousStar1552 OP October 23rd, 2023

@miraculousStar1552

I don't mean we should give them dating advice, but acknowledge how hard it is to want love and not receive it, and educate them on this common pitfall and false assumptions it leads so many men into (not attractive, not X , not Y, unrealistic expectations in a partner, etc). I dont know what the exact solution is, I am just saying we need to do something to help this group of people!

User Profile: AffyAvo
AffyAvo October 23rd, 2023

There used to be a loneliness forum (pre sub-communities) as well as a chat. It's a broader topic, but is still covering this

I'm not sure where all those threads got moved too.