What is Creativity?

One of the most watched TED talks of all time is the one about school killing creativity.

Watching it years ago freaked me out because creativity is one of my biggest values.

Aside from autonomy and freedom, being creative to me is vital to humanity.

Routines and rituals are good (Brush teeth y'all.) yet how engaged is one in them?

I've been feeling robotic for a while - the tasks I do have been rote and staid.

But yesterday I came across another TED talk - one from Ethan Hawk on creativity.

Not being a huge fan of TED or Mr. Hawk had me watching with a bit of an RBF.

But after a second watch something began to slowly sink in. SAND CASTLES.

Before you think I'm crazy, I'll explain. He spoke of how kids are building them.

They are bold in their creation, he says. They 'attack' it without pretences or overthinking.

Now as a perfectionist who, if overthinking were calories, would be dead...

This concept seriously pissed me off and cycled me through the stages of grief.

How much time had I wasted and lost trying to control things and ignore my creativity?

Perhaps it's due to my heritage as a Métis, Danes, Russian and French person.

Whatever the case, I think ultimately I need to forgive myself and others for everything.

And I wrote in this elsewhere that maybe creativity can be a catalyst for change.

I don't known if the chicken or the egg comes first in this case. I just want freedom.

I had a dream I was being held at gunpoint. I realized later I was feeling trapped.

Trapped by old patterns of thinking and believing, by messages from the media, etc..

And this stuff goes deep. And negativity - it is and was a lot of places.

It was all around growing up. But to me that was just life! And it wasn't all bad.

In fact it was quite interesting. Always housed, fed and clothed. What else mattered?

Well, surprisingly, maybe a lot. Belief in myself. Consistent love. Good communication.

At school I set up an easel and was ready to paint. The teacher made me stop.

Falling in line with others bothered me. I wanted to be creative. Make something.

Yet that wasn't okay. I had to do what everyone else was doing. It felt like dying.

The atmosphere at home was often one of worry, fear and comparison. Doubt.

And this swirled around and in me until it permeated many aspects of my being.

This coupled with the fall-in-line attitude of school broke me down into confusion.

A part of me tried to always hang on to hope though. It knew the value of healing.

And so today I'll keep practicing. Practice letting go, being kind at my mistakes.

And I'll try celebrate the successes and reward and recognize achievements. Try.

Because it does feel like nothing's good enough. But that can be let go. It can.

And the more I tell myself that, and surround myself with likeminded people...

The more the hole in my life will slowly be filled with quiet moments of joyful creating.