Hope this empowers someone !!

Everyone has downward spirals in their lives & last yr was 1 of those for me. I know what it's like when life leaves you w/ more & more questions & confusion & you don't know where to go for answers. Lucky for us the answer is anywhere. Our brains are a network of connections. We're not born w/ them all. They develop over time based on our experiences. We learn from patterns in the world around us. Everyone has different experiences & learns to recognize different patterns. Some people's brains even have areas dedicated to recognizing patterns in the job eg fingerprints. They weren't born that way. They chose to become that way & it's hard work but it pays off. Everyone has their natural tendencies for what areas are more developed but what you choose to develop is even more important. Your brain picks up on patterns wherever you go & whatever you do & you're not even aware of a lot of the patterns. So what's this all about? It means I'm not kidding when I say the key to becoming whoever you wanna be is keeping calm & never giving up. Perseverance, keeping on trying even if it doesn't feel like you're getting any better is how you build those connections based on patterns. It takes time & sometimes it's not noticeable in the 1st stages but those connections are being made & someday it'll all fall in place & make sense. I read about a man who was in a vegetative state for 7 years but his brain was slowly building those connections. About 2 years in he gained awareness of his surroundings & suddenly 5 yrs later he could speak & move again. You build the connections you want bad enough. Your brain becomes more and more tuned to who you are & who you wanna be. It stops controlling you & you start controlling it. Keeping calm & being mindful of your surroundings & the present moment helps you become aware of those new patterns your brain recognizes. These patterns help you know how accurate your emotions are for the a actual situation & which ones to focus on.

Life is hard. There are those overwhelming times when a lot of changes happen really fast & there's less time to process it, find those patterns & decide which lessons to learn from it. This feeling of knowing there's stuff out there you don't understand, when you're trying to make those connections but they're not clear yet & you're not aware of them, manifests in different ways like anxiety & depression. Those feelings decrease on their own over time when you make those connections & gain awareness of them. Sometimes it's almost overnight like it was for me. I went from freaking out that my anxiety was spiraling outta control & not knowing how far it would go to having this deep sensation that the worst is over & I've learned what I need to from those experiences & they won't happen again. It sorta happened in steps. I used to be ashamed & afraid of who I am. Then I connected with a special person who taught me having autism & social anxiety doesn't make me an inherently bad people hater or inadequate as a person. Talking w/ him made me finally feel comfortable that ik I'm not a bad person & there's nothing to be ashamed of about who I am or my past. But that revelation was long in the making & a lot of it was because of my caring, supportive friends. Our friendships showed me I'm really not a bad person & I can make an impact in people's lives even though I'm not perfect. That was last summer. It was a huge relief & led to some major life changes. The changes put me in new situations I didn't know how to respond to. I made some mistakes which led to confusion anxiety & depression but I still knew I was on the right path. I was a lot wiser than before that revelation & I knew I was heading in the right direction. Then things started falling into place recently. I finally feel like my emotions aren't running me. I'm running them. I understand the world around me so much better. I even feel it was worth the pain. It's made me a lot more mature & helped me develop better priorities & become a better person.

Don't ever lose hope. No matter what your backstory & your present situation is like, you can have a bright future. You can be anyone you wanna be. Your current limitations are only for now, not forever. You can overcome them w/ willpower. No one is a "mental case" or a lost cause. I felt that way about myself not long ago but now I'm a balanced productive responsible adult. Well I still eat ice cream for dinner sometimes but that's besides the point lol. Don't let anyone tell you who you can & can't be. That's your decision, not theirs. You are not your past, present, or future. You are your dreams * your drive. Stay strong & don't let anyone tell you to deprive the world of your wonderful self :)