New member, proud of how far I've come

Hello! My name is Jeffrey. I have suffered from anxiety & depression since I was a young boy; I am 50 years old now. My father was psychologically very abusive. I shall not go into detail, but as a young boy, I recall him saying he could have me taken away in the middle of the night. That's enough about him ;) I've reconcilled myself with his sad treatment of me, my brothers, and mother a few years before he passed (about 10 years now).

I was a good child. Although I wasn't into sports, I would rather be reading or listening to music or reading. As a very young teenager, I was quite influenced by George Harrison; not just his music, but his 'philosophy of life' (although I didn't know what it was called then).

I didn't do great in elementary school, but I didn't do poorly either. I just didn't fit in either with teachers, my classmates, or even with my brothers. After elementary school, I progressed to junior high / senior high. The school went from seventh grade all the way until twelfth grade. (I realize now just how sick that is.)

I did very well in high school and scored perfectly on the college boards (S.A.T. in the United States). When my father found that my intention was to go to college and NOT major in Business (he never went to college himself), I was thrown out of the house.

Through some luck, I was offered a scholarship for a new program at Oxford. It was a six year B.A. / M.S. program in Humanities. The college had me tutor at first, then very quickly, became a Teacher's Assistant. The College at Oxford where I attended had very small classes (12 students max) and the classes were held for 2 hours and 45 minutes / four days a week, but only for 8 weeks. (We would typically take two classes concurrently.) In order to fulfill my requirements for my Master's Degree, I had to write a thesis and argue it in the Socratic Method. It was an insane amount of work & pressure, but I was taught to think and to write.

I came back to the United States and worked as a tutor for SAT's and GRE's. I then studied Elementary Education and Special Education for free, since I taught undergrad courses at the time.

When I had completed my studies 'for the time being', I taught First Grade for ten years. During the time I was teaching, I had worked as a computer consultant with high-end servers. I was then offered a position as a Chief Technology Officer (for North America) for one of the largest publishers in the world. It is one of the top ten privately owned companies in the world.

Then September 11 happened. Yes. I worked, and even changed trains, at the World Trade Center. I tendered my resignation the following business day. I was completely devastated, basically laying on the floor at home. I was newly married, my wife worked nights and I was curled up in a ball on the floor.

After a few weeks, I gave up drinking. (I had previously been working out for the U.S. Olympic Drinking Team ;) and started therapy (two hours / week with a Psychologist), medication, daily journaling, and sought out the life style I had remembered so fondly from my early years. I began meditating daily and seriously studying Buddhism with a qualified teacher. (He was a Buddhist Monk.)

My wife and I had a daughter, and I stayed home for about four years with her. (I was very well compensated when I worked as a CTO.)

After some time I started teaching, but this time as a seventh grade, bilingual Special Needs Teacher in a very poor, urban area. These were the children that were forgotten by their parents, the community, the school, and basically the world.

I'm still teaching currently. I am on meds (far fewer) and see a therapist twice a month. A lot of things really stink. I am not assigned permanently to one school and I'm moved around every few weeks. It stinks. I have no social life (part of that is that I now have an 8 year old son and a 12 year old daughter). I'm in a dysfunctional marriage; my wife is addicted to Second Life on the computer. I'm basically raising my children on my own. I have stayed completely true to all the Vows & Commitments I've made as a Buddhist. (Basically all the vows short of being an actual Monk.)

Now that you've ventured this far, you may wonder what I'm so proud of?

I'm still here.

Alcohol and recreational drugs of ANY type (including caffeine) are not even considered as an option. Although I no longer journal daily (something I highly recommend), I am a writer by birth ;). I am also a very big reader (although I never seem to have enough time now).

I'm still here. Through all of it; I am still here and smiling. There is so much more I could say, but I shall leave that for another day. If you've read this far, and even if you haven't, I wish you all peace.

I Remain,

Jeffrey