Reflecting on time with seven cups

I joined seven cups almost 8 years ago, and this account 6 years ago in a month. 

When I first joined the community I was young, and going through a lot of things I didn’t have names for at the time. I felt as though I didn’t matter and was in one of the darkest times of my life, it didn’t help that the people I was surrounded by were all struggling the same. And in hindsight none of us were positive influences on each other. This led to me starting down a path that could have spiraled into something much worse. 

It was around this time when I started middle school and covid hit, and I was alone with my thoughts and isolated to confront myself more than ever before, which is when I started chatting on seven cups more. Waiting in long cues and rambling on about far too many problems at once to listeners, chatting in group chats and trivia events. Through these means, even though I was in a dark place mentally, even spiralling to self destructive tendencies, that I started to learn more about the ways I could identity and present to the world.

Seven cups was my first experience with the lgtbt community as the people in my life weren’t exactly positive on the idea, so I’d had no knowledge of the group at the time. 

Eventually I started to learn more about myself, identity, sexuality, and ways I could cope with the thoughts I had. It took me a long time, and at the start everything about it was Terrifying. I remember the first time I bought clothes of the opposite gender I biked to the other side of my city in a thrift store just to make sure I wouldn’t run into anyone, and tried them on in a gas station bathroom. On the way back I got hit by a car because I was too nervous to pay attention. Thankfully I wasn’t hurt, but I remember when I got hit my biggest concern wasn’t my health, it my the fear that my parents would find out I’d been buying female clothes.

I was starting highschool at this time and confronted with many more people expressing themselves, which is what pushed me to try and be more confident in who I was, even if my fear of my family finding out was larger then ever. My grandpa always complained my hair was too long, and I was always put in all boys programs. I can’t describe the relief I had when I convinced my parents to not make me go to an all boys school. 

Even though I was becoming more at peace with my gender, well, at least I knew I wasn’t cis, and even then I was constantly worried I wasn’t making a mistake, I still struggled with my mental health and depression. Struggling to hide it from my parents.

It all collapsed at the end of grade 9, when my parents found the hiding place for my clothes and tools, and confronted me with everything. They were harsh and accusatory, and I can’t say it was a positive experience. One of my biggest regrets is not having had the chance to come out myself. However it was not all bad. I went to therapy finally, and found it actually worked better than I wanted to admit, and my parents also started to learn more about the community and what I was and what I was going through, and in grade 10 I was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria and started HRT. 

Slowly throughout the following years I learned to know myself more and be more accepting and aware of who I was and struggles I’d faced. Im proud to say that my parents are now my strongest advocates, and I at last have a group of friends who are more supportive than I could have asked for.

i just finished my second year of university, and had bottom surgery 2 months ago, and although there’s been ups and downs, I’m very happy. I’m not out to everyone, including some extremely against the idea extended family, but I’ve done what 11 year old peachyard never throught was possible. 

I owe a lot of this to seven cups, i remember looking desperately for free online chats, and even trying some that pushed my in the wrong direction, when I found this community. If it weren’t for the listener program and the group chats, I may never have come to be who I am today, and may not even be here at all.

if you’ve bothered to read all this, I just wanted to say thanks. And know that it can get better, people change, it’s kind of the main thing about being human. So don’t give up hope.

I’m glad at last that I can say goodbye to the community.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!              Peachyard