Not being appreciated
Sometimes when my friends are sick, I would ask how they are feeling and even inform them of the homework/notes they've missed. However I rarely get a thank you from them, most of the time it's just an okay. I'm not too sure if I'm being too helpful and if I should continue showing care and concern to my friends, would love to know what do you guys think.
@RandomHuman321
I'm so glad you are so kind to your friends. It's good to have someone like you looking out for you.
But remember, when you do these things for your friends, it's not for recognition. Getting a thank you makes you feel like what you do is appreciated, and its nice to be able to get that feeling back for your efforts sometimes. But there are other ways to feel good about what youre doing.
Try to feel good about yourself without needing verbal confirmation back. You can give yourself a pat on the back for the good things that you do. It's important to be able to find validation within yourself. When we are nice to other people, we should focus on making that person feel good, instead of what we get in return. Let yourself be happy that you make your friends happy, and maybe when the favour is returned for you, you can tell them how much you appreciate them, and they will understand how nice it is to be appreciated, and appreciate you in turn.
It sounds like your friends are going through some rough times. And the most you can do is just keep on supporting them in the ways that you can.
@coldpenguin
Well the thing is that no one really helps me whenever I need help, nor do I have anyone I can really trust to talk about my problems to. I'm trying my best to be nice to others however I feel that I'm being taken for granted. The "okay" replies are not a one-time thing but multiple times from multiple people. It's really sad to know that you take the extra time and effort to try your best to help them but not get the same treatment or even a simple "thanks".
@RandomHuman321
This is a feeling I have often like it is expected that I will be nice and keep doing what I do, but when I need help and look around no one is there. Then to top it off when I decide to stop being the nice and helpful person people will point out the one time I did not help versus the 100 times I did help. I think people have just forgotten the simple words "thank you" and "please" and just how far those words go in life. Even when someone hurts my feelings and I take the time to explain what they did hurts my feelings there is never a "sorry". I really wish people would tell you thank you for all that you do because eventually good people stop being good because no one wanted to tell them "thanks". I hope you have a good day.
@bestPeach7500 I think they key is to help out yourself first. I know the problem well to always be friendly and wanting to help, but then you run into people who don't care, don't reciprocate. Two things help me here.
First: Accepting that I somewhat am a "care bear". That's just how it is, not gonna give myself a hard time for it. When I see people struggle, I want to help. I have empathy. It's not a bad thing, it doesn't make me vulnerable or weak per se.
Second: Not letting others abuse this, and focusing on myself first. Many people are so quick to take what they can get. It's okay to say no. It's okay to not be available because you have something else lined up for yourself. It's okay to not help sometimes. It's okay to take care of yourself. The world will not end, and the other person will most likely not be destroyed because of it. They will simply help themselves, or find someone else. You don't need to jump to their aid all the time. Now this sounds cruel, but I think the best help I sometimes gave others was letting them fall flat on the face instead of jumping and catching them and burning myself doing it.
When I now realize that I get unhappy over someone not appreciating me, I ask myself: Where am I neglecting myself and how can I change that? Sometimes I am simply hanging in a situation for way too long and neglecting my own needs for someone else's sake. Usually I have to immediately withdraw and focus on taking care of some of my own issues instead.
Please don't confuse it with being selfish. It's like taking the power back from other people. Putting yourself first makes sure that when you help others, you help with no strings attached and only because you want to give and can afford to give.