Friend loss
I lost one my best friend from suicide a few months back and I never got to really process it like I found out in school and the world just kept spinning I refuse to believe it even actually happened And now I’m just kind of sitting in fuzzy memories of him and I don’t know how to accept he’s gone I keep thinking I’ll see him at camp again I just came back from my three week The first time in two years without him I think it’s all just now hitting me. I don’t know how to handle it. Everyone’s acting like he wasn’t there like he was never actually a thing or like he just didn’t come back from camp this year but he’s dead I can’t even look at pictures because it doesn’t feel real
Hey @hayle3o7a, Firstly I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. What you're describing is such a painful type of grief, and it makes complete sense that you would be struggling to make sense of it. Losing a friend to suicide is a shock that can hit in layers, sometimes you don't feel it right away, and then something like camp or a quiet moment suddenly brings reality crashing in.
It sounds like it was incredibly hard to find out at school, with life just continuing around you, and it can add to the sense that everything is unreal. When the world doesn't stop, it's easy to feel like you never got the chance to grieve and process the loss.
Being at camp for the first time without him, after two years, must have been incredibly difficult. It makes sense that everything is hitting you now. Sometimes grief waits until you're in a place that reminds you of the person, and then it all comes rushing forward.
When others avoid talking about him, or pretend nothing happened, it can make you feel even more alone with your grief. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t important. It doesn’t mean your memories aren’t real. It just means people don’t always know how to handle something this painful, so they stay silent, even when silence hurts.
Not being able to look at pictures is also really normal. When something doesn’t feel real, photos can make the loss feel too sharp, too final. There’s no right or wrong timeline for when you’re able to face that.
You don’t have to figure out how to accept everything all at once. You’re allowed to be in this in between place where it feels unreal and too real at the same time.
If you feel comfortable and want to talk about him a bit more, I'd love to know what he was like and what is your favourite memory together. Please don't share if you don't want to, there is no pressure. I just know sometimes it can help to speak about the person who we care so deeply about💜
Emma
Thank you so much for everything you said and I would love to talk about my dear friend with you sometime
