Grief: I Have Never Felt So Much So Fast

This year has been a struggle. I have never felt so much pain in such a sort amount of time, that I am searching for some normalcy just smidge. I have had 3 close family members pass away from January to June of this year. Two of these were very close family members a parent and a sibling. I find myself feeling like I’m not living in real life, it’s like things are not as they seem. My heart is broken, but the world does not stop. Bills must be paid, jobs must be done, diners must be cooked, etc. You have maybe a few days and you just have to “magically” be fine to function. But really it’s just going through the motions. The nightmares, sleepless nights, anxiety, and crying are seamlessly interwoven into your existence now. Your only hope is that as time passes your pain will subside perhaps it will only feel dull. But I feel that the heart will always fine and emptiness. Remembering your youth and finding those lost within those memories, seeing your lost laughing and smiling. You just want to reach out quickly and grab a hug, a feeling of life, a heart beat just one more time, before they slip away. I feel like I’m not living bit existing just enough to get by. But feeling broken is an understatement. For all those out there suffering from grief. I heart you, I see you and know you are validated. Please take care of yourselves.