I miss the love of my life

I lost my first love to malfunctioning medical equipment on May 18, 2023. He was incredibly athletic, intelligent, musically talented, goal oriented, kind, and had the best sense of humor. I often wonder why God takes away such beauty and light when they have so much left unwritten. He was only 18, and was about to graduate high school in a week. He finished almost the top of his class and wrote a speech to deliver at graduation commencement. My world changed the moment 2 police officers and a social worker showed up to my door on the morning of May 18, 2023, to deliver the news that my boyfriend had passed the night before. I often remember that feeling. It hits me at the worst times. I simply cannot fathom a pain worse than this. I still cry like I did that day; I’ll remember that feeling as I lay in bed falling asleep, as I walk through the grocery store, as I’m laughing with my friends. Everyone told me that “it will get easier.” It never really did. It just became familiar. But it never hurt any less than the first time. I have countless items of his clothing and gifts he made for me and cards he wrote and I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. I feel like my heart has gone cold and I’ve lost my ability to feel deep connections with others. Everyday I live in fear that everyone I have ever loved will leave in a tragic way.

Nobody understood me the way you did. I love and miss you, Jake.