It Still Hurts

I woke this morning and you were not the first thing on my mind, but the second.

I spent every day thinking of you first: Did he get his medicine today? He needs to eat. Did I sleep in too late? Is he hungry?

I knew you better than I knew myself. I could look at the way you closed your eyes and knew if it meant you were happy, or that you needed rest.

Who am I when I am no longer taking care of you? I have spent the last six years scheduling my life around you. Now when I leave the house there is no one waiting for me to get back.

I miss the way your eyes would light up when I brought you home a treat. Damn what the doctors said, if you wanted ice cream for breakfast - so be it. 91 was no small feat.

I miss you papa. I miss mama too.

I feel too young to be without parents.