Just need a break, universe... please

I'm so tired if grieving. I feel like I've been in mourning for going on 5 years. So many major things have went on. Just feel like sharing, hoping it helps

Mid 2020 thru mid 2021. Extreme leg pain.. no answers from doctors outside of just I need to do physical therapy. Honestly one dr told me to take aleve and not to sit with my legs crosses. I literally felt like the weakest person according to doctors.

April 2021 my mother marries (she was single parent, I'm only child). Navigating new family dynamics while we live states away were challenging.

October 2021.... that pain? Chordoma. Incredibly rare cancer in my spine. Pain was from the tumor completely compressing numerous nerves that go down to my legs. 9 hour surgery on a Friday, 8 hour surgery that next Tuesday to remove as much as possible and implant a large amount of metal in my low back.

Early 2022, stayed about 3 hours away from my home to get specialized radiation. Pain from certain family members not checking in with me. Same family members that took the time to harass my mother about my birth father.

August 2022, lost one of my beloved pets... to cancer. He was 15 year old cat but was tough as he literally pawed away my tears during my low points.

Later in 2023, further family tensions. Don't want to get onto it publicly but resulted in destroying a family dynamic.

2024, husband started to have health issues, at one time having to call the ambulance for him. We are still having issues with that now.

2025, realizing some of the family members I thought I was super close to, they obviously do not feel the same. I blocked them across all social medias and essentially they became dead to me.

Now another one of my cats, 16, is not doing well. I don't have enough money for a vet visit but honestly I know what they will say. I just feel like one by one, the universe is taking things from me. The prospect of being alone scares me. I try to stay strong but I'm having more and more bad days..im of losing pets, losing family members and losing me

Thanks for this space to vent