Losing people in my life...

TW - sexual assault

Early this year, my mom passed away. Since my dad had passed away a year ago, this was a huge shock. I spent over a month taking care of my mother, which made it even more difficult. After that, I wanted to thank the friends who came to the funeral by treating them to a meal, so we gathered at a friend's house. However, one of the friends sexually assaulted me, and I was so shocked that I escaped in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, I continued to have conflicts with a friend. I had feelings for him, but he started a relationship with someone else without even resolving his feelings with me. Since he had also said he liked me, and we acted like a couple, this felt like a huge betrayal. Although he apologized, he did nothing to earn my forgiveness afterward, and I had to endure the pain for several months.

I decided to travel to Germany, a place I had long admired, to try to forget the pain of losing my parents. It is my first time traveling abroad. One of the reasons for my trip to Germany was because I liked him. he is German. We made plans and I was expecting it, but now he ended our friendship and blocked me because of his gf.

Anyway, the process of preparing for the trip was stressful due to various issues. Also I forgot that I had social anxiety and planned everything recklessly. I'm so scared of this trip. The only moment this year that felt good was when I booked the ticket to Germany.

So yeah... I've lost my parents, also friends in a different way. All of this happened within six months, and due to my social anxiety, I have few friends and have spent a lot of time alone enduring it. I’m so exhausted that I came here in a last-ditch effort... I needed support from people who could empathize with my pain because I feared that if I shared this with my friends, they might find it too difficult to listen to or think it’s not a big deal...