Lost my favorite person

2 years ago I lost my uncle who was my father figure and it left me feeling afraid before I lost him I never thought I will. I was named after him the female version of him every time he saw me he would always ask me who love me the most in this world and I always said him so these last two years I been waiting to hear him ask me. I get in these dark places where I shut down because I cannot force myself to believe that he is actually gone. As much as I cry I still believe he coming back when I know he not. I been so angry so ready to give up so scared to live life knowing tomorrow really not promised. I want to be a better mother and girlfriend but I’m just always angry. I’m losing everything and life just passing me by because I’m just angry at world. Angry at myself for not being a better niece.

How do I keep my world from falling apart when I can’t even grieve??