Lost my husband 3 weeks ago
He struggled with substance abuse and mental health issues. We loved each other very much. He killed himself in front of me while I cried and begged him not to. We have a 2 year old daughter and I have no close friends and only have his family for support. I miss him so much I can't breathe most days.
@BBol
What you said about missing him so much you can't breathe — I keep coming back to that. Because you're not only grieving someone you loved, you're also carrying the way you lost him. You were there, you tried desperately to stop it, and now somehow you have to live with both the loss and everything that came with it.
And now you're here with your little girl, and the people you have around you are his family — people who are grieving him too. I imagine that can feel incredibly lonely sometimes, even when you're not actually alone.
I'd love to know more about him, if you want to share. Not about what happened at the end — about him. What was he like? What do you miss most when the house goes quiet?
@BBol
The strength and meaning you carry in your words is so admirable. It is completely okay to lean heavily on his family right now. They are grieving him too, and your daughter is a living piece of him that connects you all.
It makes complete sense that you feel like you can't breathe- grief and trauma of this magnitude are exhausting and overwhelming, especially while trying to just find a sense of normalcy amidst all this heartbreak. You do not have to be strong every second of the day.
Even when the house gets quiet, your heart gets heavy, and the sadness feels endless, remember you aren't alone. He is always with you, in your daughter, in your heart, in the memories you shared, but most importantly, in time.
And as that time passes, your heart will ease, your daughter will grow, life will move, and the memories will start feeling like a source of joy rather than heartbreak. His physical absence was never an absence of his love for you. You aren't alone. Don't forget that 💛
👗
