Ripping at the seems

At times, I feel like I can’t catch my breath—like I have to remind myself how to breathe, gasping for air. I’m overwhelmed by worries I never used to think about, and I’m tempted to build walls to keep people from getting too close. The fear of losing someone else I love feels unbearable.

In my job as a developmental disabilities specialist, I work with senior citizens and have lost not only clients I deeply care about, but also so many other seniors I’ve bonded with over the years. I thought I was okay with death until I lost my dad. Since then, it feels like I’m barely hanging on. The nature of my work is already stressful, but the added pressure of not having the support I need at work is crushing. I hold the fate of the program in my hands, and as a supervisor, I’m torn between supporting a colleague who struggles with her job due to medical issues and managing the demands of the program.

My ADHD and sensory overload have been almost debilitating. I feel like I’m drowning, trying to be there for my kids and my husband who depend on me. I hurt so deeply but don’t know where to begin helping myself. The overwhelm feels constant, and I just want to break free from this cycle of stress and pain. I want to stop feeling stuck in fight-or-flight mode, but it feels like it’s always one thing after another.