Sad about the life I never had
I have always been told everything is my fault by my mom. I tried getting away from her when I was younger. I had a hard time in school. After my dad died my mom moved us and since then my life has basically ended. I never graduated school, never got my license, never been to prom, never dated. I fear I’ll never be able to move out bc I don’t know how to function anymore and I don’t know if I even want to try. I have so much anger towards my mom for not caring at all. I haven’t been on vacation sense I was 11. Never go anywhere. Ever since moving here (which is terrible it doesn’t even snow here ) lately I’ve been feeling so sad about the life I’ll never have. My teen years were wasted being yelled at, told I’m spoiled by my mom. I’ve spent so long barely going out and I just feel this is worse than being homeless. So I’m grieving never having had a normal life. Sometimes I wish I got shot in a school shooting. I just feel so guilty I never moved out as soon as we moved here. My mom only keeps me alive for one reason, she wants me to take care of her when she’s older. She’s said before she doesn’t want to go to a nursing home. It makes me so angry when she says that. How am I expected to stay here until what, my 30s, and then when my mom is old I’m supposed to take care of HER!? HOW? I can’t even drive. I just hate everything in my life. I hate the way my mom never helped me. I hate where I currently live. My life feels like a nightmare I can’t escape. I want to slowly part ways with my things and then leave. It can’t get worse than this. ODing on drugs feels less painful then this. I’m completely on my own. I haven’t seen any of my family besides my mom in years. Even on holidays I’m just here. So I have nobody to react out to.
It’s just… terrible. Sorry for the long rant. I am feeling worse then ever.
@greendayfangirl I feel so much for you. I'm sorry for what's happening to you. I hope your life changes for the better.
@AHZ11 thanks I appreciate ur nice comment 🙏🏻
this resonated so much with me. Everything you typed about things being your fault and spoiled and that *** was the same script my parents used while neglecting me. Everything was more important. I was constantly told to go away. But I’m an only child and when my mom got old I had her move in with us. I nursed her thru a stroke and then we got her cancer diagnosis and that involved two years of chemo and then hospice. All done at home. Now she’s gone and I’m in *** bc I suddenly see her for who she was. How she used me my whole life. The whole time I was caring for her she was talking *** about me behind my back. She said she was ashamed of me (I have not done anything to shame this woman, I swear. I’m married with a child) I learned she stole my inheritance from when my father died when I was 20. And now I’m trying to put the pieces back together and figure out who the *** I am without her constant critiques in my head. Don’t let yourself get stuck. You owe her nothing. I expect nothing from my child. It’s my job to provide security and love and and safety for them, not theirs. 🤍
@ScreenNameMary hey thanks so much for this comment Mary. Most people here really don’t get it as they have such a huge support system. I’m glad to hear you were able to marry, have a kid, and create a life of your own. I always wanted to have a kid myself. That’s crazy your mom stole your inheritance wtf. That’s so sad, I’m sorry. But it sounds like you are doing much better right? That’s great
Sometimes we have to find and make our own families. (Children not necessary just people who will love you the way our parents should have from the start) 🤍
@ScreenNameMary ya I know, it just sucks I never got to have any closeness with my cousins or nephews like normal people do. Sometimes I wish I had a big loving family like normal people do.