Struggling with grief of mother
In 2024 every big event, holiday get together, or just dinner with my mom I had the worst feeling of this could be the last time we do this. Mentally I was trying to prepare myself of what I would do without her and it was too hard to fathom. She was my everything, with how messed up that sounds. I considered her my best friend because she was the only one to understand me, listen to me, and actually make me feel normal and wanted. We agreed on a lot of things and could just talk all day. We would always get caught up talking and not get anything thing done we wanted to do that day. I have so much regret and guilt in my heart. January 13th 2025 my heart stopped beating after losing her. I still feel like I'm going to hear from her any day now and be able to talk to her and catch her up on things but I know that I never will get to ask her all the things I never knew and now will never know.
@katykat96 It doesn't sound messed up<3 Fear of losing someone we love plagues many of us. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person and the bond you two shared was so warm and full of comfort. I can't help but see my pain in your words. To the world it was your mother that you lost but to you it was so much more.
The regret and the need to talk never goes away, wish we had a way to make a phone call once in a while or maybe at least one last time but all we have are the words we write down or say out loud just in the hope that they reach them somehow. I do believe they listen though, I believe they see our love and are patiently rooting for us to go on and heal in our own time, in our own way<3
The death of a mother can be very painful, especially since you were very close. I'm so sorry for this pain you are going through.
