The loss of a sibling
Hi, my friend recommended that Id try out this 7 cup site to maybe help with my loss.
I lost my brother to suicide about 7 years ago. He was only 18 years old and i feel like i haven’t been able to properly process it. I have had so much going on in my life ( hard to explain ) and i just couldn’t stop for a moment to realize that he is actually gone. Time kind of just flew by and a couple of weeks ago it kinda just hit me…
As kids we were really close and i mean like we slept in same bed together every night and held hands and he used to tell me that i was the only reason he felt safe cause i was there (when we were at our dads).
I dont know what to say more just feeling kinda lost and hurt that i haven’t been properly processing it. And people around me just wonder why now. Its been so long since he died… why now and i just honestly don’t know why now…
Anyway
Just wanted to write down whats on my mind without anyone judging me for my thoughts 😮💨
@MangoLime97
🥺
No judgement here.
This is a safe and caring space.
I can see how much you loved your brother and how important he was to you, the hardest thing about suicide, is the questions, the lack of closure, the what ifs, the guilt, could I have helped? Stopped them? But you are not to blame at all. It hurts so much because your brother meant so much and that don't change, the pain remains, but it gets a wee bit smaller each day, until we can live comfortably with it, but it's important to find a way to remember your brother and keep your memories alive, may he rest in peace, sending you my genuine best wishes 💜💕
Thank you for your kind words. I ask myself those questions every day. I talked to him on the phone the night before I got the news and he seemed so “normal”. But when i think about that phone call now i know that he was really just saying goodbye to me. The way he told me that he loved and missed me it all makes sense now but back than it was just a normal call like every other day.
I guess i also feel a bit of anger about it. Kind of like he had just left me … for a while i thought he was selfish for going this way but at the same time i really hope he found his peace that he so desperately wanted.
Ive never really talked about this but its nice to open up about these feelings. Ive felt this guilt in my gut about being happy when i know in my thoughts that … well he wasn’t and now he never will be… i don’t know its so hard to explain but feels good to talk about it😮💨❤️
@MangoLime97
I know that feeling, you hate them, you cannot believe they did this and left you behind to shoulder such unbearable pain, you feel they are selfish and uncaring . These are natural feelings, it's not easy or straightforward, but I do know, he was in so much pain, and he couldn't see a way out, he rang you, because he loved you, that's real, hold onto that, replace the doubt with good memories of you and him, don't torture yourself, live life for the two of you, sending you my love and hugs, my heart is with you, i know how heavy this pain is, but your brother loved you, cling to that tight 💕
