Vent and feelings

I don't know where to start. There's just so much context. I'm in the process of divorcing my ex husband. We are separated and idk why but it's so hard. He cheated on me multiple times, but I still miss him and I feel terrible because of it. I'd never take him back and I don't miss him tbh, I miss the care and affection he once used to have for me. I miss being held and loved, I miss having my person. It's worse because people all around me have their people, and I don't. I keep wondering if I'll never find my forever person, and that scares me.

I don't know where my priorities changed. I didn't used to worry about things like these at all. Just contemplating where I went wrong. He blames me for him cheating btw.