boyfriend loss

TW- suicide.

i feel very nervous to talk about this..

about 2 and a half years ago, i’ve lost my boyfriend to suicide. we loved each other very much, we were each other’s light in the dark, yet he couldn’t hold on anymore. i knew he was struggling, i knew what he felt, but i thought i could help him. when i got a call and rushed to the bridge, so many police, ambulances and people crowded the place. my heart sank when i caught a glimpse of his silly purple hair peeking through the sheet they put over his body. i feel like i died in that moment. i fell to the floor, crying and screaming. people tried hugging me, calming me down, yet nothing worked. i was broken. when i found the note, which he had only written to me, i didn’t stop crying for days. he just kept apologising, saying he didn’t wanna leave me and how much he loves me..i still remember the look on his face when he knew he was seeing me for the last time. my angel was gone, and i started grieving to the point i wanted to do it as well. i looked down into the shallow river where he once laid, and i heard him, don’t do it. i instantly backed away, and i’m never coming close again, because i know he doesn’t want me to. i know he wants me to live, be happy, heal. his 3rd death anniversary is in september, and i don’t think i am ready. i just want my baby back, and i’m struggling so much to heal from this.

thank you so much if you read this..❤️‍🩹