looking for coping mechanisms
What is your favorite coping mechanism for handling grief day to day?
When I lost my dog Snoopy, who I was incredibly bonded to, very suddenly, my favorite coping mechanism was ice cream.
When I lost my fiancé very suddenly many years ago, I coped through deep discussions about spirituality and the way of the world.
I lost my father in December, and I haven’t found a good way to cope with it other than being overwhelmed by all of my new responsibilities. I’ve just been keeping busy, so I was looking for other coping mechanisms I could try.
@RainnaO
Sorry if my English is not perfect - it is not my native language. Just posting what I noticed - maybe it can help someone.
First, my heart goes out to you for your losses, especially your father in December. That heavy feeling of being overwhelmed by new responsibilities on top of the grief is incredibly difficult.
What you are calling coping mechanisms - the ice cream, the deep talks, keeping busy - these are intelligent survival strategies. They help you get through the day, and that is important. But from my work, I see that they are escape mechanisms. They do not solve the core issue; they let you survive while all the sadness, grief, guilt, and perhaps anger are still there inside you, eating you from within.
These suppressed emotions take a massive amount of your life force energy to keep them buried. Sooner or later, that stored energy will manifest as physical problems or deeper mental fatigue. It is not just the grief itself, but also the false beliefs and negative programs in the subconscious that say “be strong” or “don’t feel this.”
If you want to try something new that truly changes and heals you, it is the technique of letting go. This is not about coping, but about allowing and releasing the emotional energy itself, on a subconscious level. It creates permanent relief because you are removing the root weight, not just managing it.
I have a guided meditation linked in my profile on this exact technique of letting go. You can try it; it will guide you to safely release these emotions so you can feel better not just for a moment, but permanently. It makes space for real peace.
For anyone interested, my profile has more details. Wishing you genuine healing.
@Alendriel I agree that people need to use a combination of coping mechanisms/survival strategies to get through grief.
I'd add that grief doesn't have a set timeline, so it tends to come and go (and that's natural). It also doesn't travel neatly through the 5 stages which are often talked about. The different stages come and go, then come again (sometimes you can be experiencing more than one of the 'stages' at the same time, too).
So a letting go activity might be helpful in the moment, but just be aware that the grief can resurface and it might well be necessary to do these activities on multiple occasions over time, and that's perfectly normal.
@RainnaO my favourite is actually to come on here (plus other similar sites) and post messages of support to others. It makes me feel less alone, and it also gives me a sense of doing something productive. It helped loads when I lost my beloved cat in early 2020, it's helped during friendship breakups, and it's helping me now whilst my Dad's having palliative care in the hospital.
Podcasts have been helpful to me too, and I tend to find that as my emotional healing progresses I start moving away the topic-specific ones, and eventually I return to my usual favourites (which are true crime themed ones). Audio books, too -- I've been listening to Maybe I Don't Belong Here by David Harewood, and it's somehow comforting to me to hear about someone else's struggles (in this case, struggles with racism and mental ill-health), plus their experiences once they've been able to put those struggles behind them. Also, a book called Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before, by Dr Julie Smith (which basically covers cognitive behaviour therapy, and I believe it has a chapter devoted to grief) - I recommend it.
I've also been trying some apps, with my current favourite being Griefity (at least I think that's what it's called -- it's on Android and I downloaded it from Google Play).
Finally, there is no shame in reaching out to professional services if these are available in your area &/or affordable. If you dig around long enough there are also free services available online, though they may only consist of webchat (could be worth a try, though). The sharing circle chats here on 7cups have been helpful to me at times, especially when I needed to vent about my fall out with my brother over Dad's care.
I really wish you well in your healing journey. Take care.
@RainnaO
I understand I do your doing things that you can’t control but you need to believe in yourself and god.
I understand I do your doing things that you can’t control but you need to believe in yourself and god.
