loss

hi, im shaylynn and im 19 years old. when i was a junior in high school (last year), my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and so I missed a lot of school due to attending chemo appointments with her or even taking care of my grandma so her daughter could go to her appointments with her. my aunt actually passed away a few days before Christmas and after that I decided to switch to a charter school. It hurts. But my mom had just lost her sister and my aunts children just lost their mother so I felt like I had to be the glue because if we were all a mess then it would just be one big mess. I started to put all my focus into working and school. I still helped my cousin take care of our nana because she was her main caretaker but she started working as well so I was around a lot but my nana ended up passing away in February. This one really hurt. It made it all feel so real because I think I was in complete denial that my aunt died. When it clicks that im never going to see them again and im starting to forget what their voices sound like. I didn’t get to say I love you one last time. All I have left is my mom, I have no one else. I have this deep anxiety that the moment im not with her, im going to lose her too and I don’t know what I would do. Im 19 in high school still, 3 credits behind. I don’t even know where I would start.