Hi everyone

I’m new to this community. I lost a very best friend almost two months ago to suicide and I’ve been having a hard time coping. I’ve been struggling in my last 5 years of life after leaving an abusive marriage in many forms and when I left my marriage and met this friend he has gotten me through some very dark days and I for him. He’s had a lot of struggles lately and felt the heaviness take over and took his life, I was one of the last people he texts and the text and circumstances feel like will haunt me for life. Lately I’ve been reacting negatively when alcohol is involved and while I do not have an addiction to it I have a problem with alcohol and am sober curious for my own safety. How do I cope with such a loss he was one of the most important persons in my life and he left me here alone.