newbie here
Hello im new here im not sure how the introduction works so im just going to dive straight in , my mother passed away in sept 2024...she was absent most of my life , my dad raised me but we reconnect about 3 years before she passed. Anyways my mother struggled with addiction her whole entire life and a month before she passed she checked back into rehab and i had terrible panic attacks...it lasted for 2 days bad enough to make me go to the hosptial...fast foward here we are in june and i suffered terrible panic attack at the end of may and im still recovering...i have a huge amount of unresolved trauma i know that so i sought help, im currently medicated for the extreme aniexty..my mother inst the first person ive lost but i was never taught to deal with grief..im a mother myself and as much as i want to just keep on living my normal life i feel like my brain is screaming at me to let this sh*it out..i dont know where to start...I have small support in my life with no actual friends...
@sincereBlueberry3052 Hello blueberry and welcome to the forums. May I express my condolences on the loss of your mother. Grieving the death of a parent is always difficult, and particularly so when the relationship was complex, with addiction issues factored in. We learn to grieve by seeing it modelled as children: when this doesn't happen, as is the case for you, then it becomes frightening, confusing and panic-inducing as we have no roadmap for how to respond. I'm encouraged to hear that you're being treated for the anxiety you're experiencing. Social support is also invaluable at a time both of loss and anxiety; however if there is no one around you, then bereavement support groups - online and offline - are very helpful in this. Blueberry, I've linked below to a very useful resource written by a mental health worker who lost her own mother unexpectedly, which is designed as a workbook to help in navigating through the grief process, and working through a lot of the overwhelming feelings you describe. The community is here for you Blueberry; I'm hoping you find the support you need here at this time.
https://mindremakeproject.org/2021/08/13/coping-with-loss-workbook/
@DemiMondaine Thank you so much for your kind words
@DemiMondaine Im working through the book now thank you for explaing grief in such too , its been such a complex emotion
@sincereBlueberry3052 glad that you're finding the workbook useful Blueberry. Grief is indeed a very challenging set of emotions and very layered in its complexity, made worse when we have had no models of how to work through it. It's another reason why support groups are helpful here, as we gain reassurance and validation of our emotions from others going through something similar.
