Group Mod Zone discussion (03.03.15)

We held a group mod discussion to talk about empathy and respect. These are the points that were highlighted during that discussion.

What words come to mind when you think of empathy?

We all came up with a list of words that summarise empathy?.

✦ Caring

✦ Being able to relate

✦ Compassion

✦ Understanding

✦ Comforting

✦ Ability to view their perspective

Thinking of those descriptions...How can we show empathy when giving warnings and enforcing rules?

?Being sure to let them know both what they should not be doing as well as why and also let them know what a better behavior would be. Sharing the reason behind the rule definitely helps, otherwise it can feel very one-sided and forced? Elle22

?I think the best thing to do is to be gentle. Show them that you understand their problems, but also be firm about the rules. It's a careful balance? tranquilSong72

?Be assertive, but don't be forceful in your language or attitude. Show that you're willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but let them know that rules are in place for a reason.? Acinoynyx

?Reminding them about that their feelings and experiences are valid, but that some rules need to be followed to discuss those? MissZ

Can you think of a time when somebody corrected you in a loving and respectful way? What was it like?

We discussed how the delivery of criticism can have a huge impact on how we receive it. The consensus was even when it is hard to hear, delivered in a positive way enables growth and learning.

?It made me feel like they understood that we make mistakes from time to time and how being reminded of the right thing to do is okay and important.? JennaHere

Can you think of a time when someone corrected you in a very strict or harsh way? How did you feel?

We agreed that when criticism is delivered in a harsh manner it is less effective as it forces a defensive and negative attitude. Some of the emotions people were made to feel through this experience are?

✦ Resentful

✦ Distrustful

✦ Nervous

✦ Patronised

✦ Angry

✦ Embarrassed

✦ Attacked

✦ Hurt

✦ Disliked

We agreed when we are moderators, it is important to remember how we felt during these times, and to be mindful when we need to enforce rules in the rooms

If you were a guest visiting our support rooms for the first time, what would help you to feel cared for?

?Being welcomed, someone paying attention to what I had to say. Positive to feedback to what I had to share.? JennaHere

?Being acknowledged on entry and invited to join the conversation going.? Acinonyx

?Definitely recognition,a welcome. It can be overwhelming walking into a room that's moving quite fast, easy to get lost.? FaithInHumanity

?Being greeted. Having a mod that can control all the negativity in the room. I would want to feel like I wanted to come back. Have a good overall experience? BestTruth96

We also decided that as part of the welcome we could post regular reminders like, "welcome to the XX room, this room is to discuss XX, please check out the rules for this room at the bottom of the screen". This would help members to know the purpose of the room and the expectations whilst they are in there.

How would you define the word ?respect??

?I would define respect as treating others as well as possible? Elle22

?Having admiration and trust for someone's ideals or characteristics.? Acinonyx

?Respect, not forcing issues,not giving personal opinions.? FaithInHumanity

?Respect is treating people how they want to be treated but to a reasonabledegree.?tranquilSong72

What does it mean to be respected as a moderator?

We recognised that moderators want to be respected in terms of members following rules etc. but we would also like moderators to be respected for the level of care and support they provide

?To not force yourselves on people and still be heard, to not abuse your power, and to know when to cut a knot out or try to untangle it. I think being a moderator is also about creating an environment where people can feel safe and comfortable talking about things.? Acinonyx

?Being respected as a moderator happens when members recognize your authority and why you were put in that position, and why you deserve that respect in the first place. On a deeper level, realizing that we are just people like them too. Respecting that is important for a mod as well.? tranquilSong72

How can we ensure we are respectful of guests and members in the support rooms?

✦ Not getting pulled into conflict

✦ Professionalism

✦ Awareness of self

✦ Consistency

✦ Be polite

✦ Compassionate.

✦ Mindful of language and tone

✦ Confidentiality

✦ Don't go looking for problems to punish

What can we do to make sure we respect one another as moderators and work together as a team?

✦ Communicate with each other effectively and efficiently.

✦ Be supportive of each other

✦ Don't talk badly about other moderators

✦ Be there for each other when in need.

✦ Do not disagree or undermine a mod in the room

✦ Encourage self care amongst fellow mods

✦ Direct those with complaints to the review form

Thank you to everyone who joined our discussion, and for your continued work in the support rooms.