Beyond Burnt Out
Im so tired of existing... Not that I want to do anything drastic I'm just EXHAUSTED. Every second of every day by absolutely everything. I'm so over my job and the constant fires that have to be put out...but I've worked myself into a hole. I have worked my way up the customer service pipeline to make really good money. With my husband starting a company and inflation ever rising... I can't afford to quit or downgrade jobs.
I could potentially get a similar job with another company...but I think being on the phones it's 50% of the problem. I've never enjoyed talking on the phone but work is work... That said my God do people just say ANYTHING to people on the phone. I get yelled at all week long, while also dealing with fires within the company itself. I work in luxury hospitality, so the most particular employers and customers and no one is ever happy.
It's shredding my mental state. I am now never happy, just always waiting for the next person to start screaming or the next panic attack from within the company. I'm so strung out. My husband and I also both work from home, and he keeps our toddler throughout the day.
I love my baby more than any and everything and he is such a light in my life...but he also screams all the time, at everything, for no reason. Starts and stops at the literal drop of a hat. I know this is just part of him figuring it out...but it just so constant. Unfortunately sound has always been a trigger for me and I feel like I can't get silence, ever.
Since we're all home all the time, there just isn't much separation. We can't really afford to send the little one to daycare and I really wouldn't want to anyway... My dream was to be a stay at home mom... Not a wfh mom. So I don't want to miss any more than I already do. I had planned so many adventures for us that well already never get to do...
I hate this world and what it's become. This isn't the life I was promised growing up. I keep working myself to the bone just for the goalpost to move. It's so hollowing. I don't know that there really is a solution as the country is crumbling around us so I guess I'm just screaming into the void in hopes of getting a moments peace in my mind. Hope you all are coping with existing better than I am.
@LostCat94
Yes, alot of people are having difficulties..
We gotta just stay strong and try to hold onto hope.
I'm sorry you are dealing with so much, you are trying so hard and things are getting you down..
We care and support you!🌲
I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time. I can feel your frustration and exhaustion. Can you find some 'me' time? Recharge your battery? If only for a few hours a week? You don't want to burn yourself out to the point you can't function. Sending hugs and good vibes!💜🫶🤗
@Rhiannon65 I am trying to find some me time...the options right now though are find away to put my entire life on hold in hopes of finding a moment to breathe, knowing that an avalanche is coming when I let my life back in... Or plow through hoping the thread won't snap and that the light at the end of the tunnel is just around the bend, one more push will open up my time and energy for new things... My husband is my only support and I am his main support, though he does have friends to help with the emotional and social parts of life. It's a constant seesaw of trying to take the load and being too weighed down, but the only person I can pass it to also has no other relief or options. We move a lot and reestablishing community gets harder every time. Everyone is feeling similar weight and pressure and we all stopped supporting each other somewhere along the way in our desperation to survive.
@LostCat94 take one step at a time, one minutes at a time if you need to. Support is so important. Someone to vent to and for them to listen. Like we do here! You have a whole community to support you now. Sending good vibes and huhs!🤗🫶💜
@LostCat94
👋 You are not alone. You are heard and I can relate to being on the hamster wheel of auto-pilot.
I substituted a career for real emotional connection and didn't know it at the time. The titles, the awards, the money, and even turned a sales job into a "real helping" environment for my clients who became like family.
Somewhere along the way, my values and company culture disconnected - in Drastic ways. I was forced into making a choice - literally from the Ritz gala parties to walking away from a brand new car and awesome income, into a life that's very different.
No one ever sat me down and said: before you buy anything- consider how you will store it, clean it, use it, and discard it. I was on auto-pilot, wanting more because I was empty for something no money could buy....PEACE.
For me, I walked away from every single thing that kept me in the hamster wheel of consumerism. Living in the United States, I didn't starve, I had shelter, and I made it. Made what? I came to the place where I had nothing to lose and nothing to prove. I was no longer comparing surface "stuff" to my inner feelings.
I live more of a minimalist life today. The only thing on auto subscribe to Amazon is kibble for my 5 pound chihuahua, and that's 1 bag every 6 months for the discount. 😂
Reducing expenses ='s increased income. The more I have, the more space I need to hold "stuff".
I try to journal every day, pen to paper and have done so for 7 years. Sometimes I feel lonely for I see others on the hamster wheel and they can't relate to a 12.00 cell phone bill, 12.99 internet bill, nearly zero credit card debt, paid off car, a bike to ride at my disposal, the ability to see climate change for location on where to live, and the ability to sleep in or not. A very very different life. A more peaceful life.
I hope your next call you take at work, you have the vision that the caller on the other end is clueless, about what truly matters in the grand scheme of life. Priorities have become blurred. High end luxury problems are a luxury.
I applaud your honesty and can feel the exhaustion from my rear view mirror. I'm thankful and grateful for your post 😊
