This Year Will Be Different - Welcoming 30 I Guess

12:04 A

Forum / Journals & Diaries

Last Night in my 20's - 11:50 PM - 08/11

Today is my birthday, and it's a hard one. I'm coming out of trauma that I didn't even realize I was living through for years - trauma from family who was supposed to protect me but instead exposed me to harm.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and deeply sad because the people I needed the most, especially my mom, weren't there in the way I needed. Instead of being protected, I was blamed and used as a scapegoat. There were people in my life who hurt me, and the adults around me knew but didn't stop it.

I'm done carrying the silence and the shame that wasn't mine to bear. I've realized that the bond I wanted with my mom was never going to be what I needed. When I reached out, I was met with coldness, and that rejection cuts deeper than I can describe.

I feel isolated, like I have no family support, and it's confusing and painful. Sometimes l've even questioned my own worth because of it. But today, on my birthday, I'm choosing to walk away from the poison and claim my own truth.

my mom was never going to be what I needed. When I reached out, I was met with coldness, and that rejection cuts deeper than I can describe.

I feel isolated, like I have no family support, and it's confusing and painful. Sometimes l've even questioned my own worth because of it. But today, on my birthday, I'm choosing to walk away from the poison and claim my own truth.

Seeing people's true faces down to relatives, so called friends and people that I built trauma bonds with that were not real it's a lot to take in but I'm not going to let it defeat me, this year will just be a different one, I can't celebrate it this year with an upcoming court date for l believe a possible illegal eviction because I was fighting for stability and my mental health and just thinking about being homeless at 30 with my registered emotional support dog is a lot to take in when I truly have no one at this point in my life.

Deep breathes