Kinda Over It Club
Have you been beavering away at self improvement and watched the Brene Brown TED talks and studied The Work and know who Louise Hay and Tara Brach and Byron Katie is and are just kind of over it?
Everyone is saying only very slightly different versions of the same thing while people are drowning like somehow telling these people they're not alone is supposed to help.
Why can't these people stop fighting to stand on a red round carpet blowing the whistle on those who can't keep their head above water and instead reach out and pull them from the water?
Yes it's about making these people strong and we can't save anyone else yadda yadda yadda.
But I'm just kinda over it.
My sleeps schedule has become almost totally reversed.
This odd situation has me scrambling to find a therapist who's also a vampire and a place to eat open at night that is also healthy (Spoiler alert; it doesn't exist.)
So while I'm feeling like a failure for not being able to do the most fundamental and basic of things (Sleep at night, be awake during the day, eat well and exercise, find a partner and work I love, be a great student, don't be a Karen or defensive, accept myself, etc.) I'm just kinda over it.
And this is creating a super fun cycle of isolation mixed with attempts at reaching out and having neither seem to work as nothing I do seems good enough.
I have the books, done and am doing the groups, am doing the workbooks and listening my ears off.
But I worry that I'm not doing any of it right and will burn out on improving before I find who I truly am.
Small steps are being made. They just seem so futile in the face of the mountain I must climb. And I don't know if there's any guarantee that I'll make it sometimes.
Anyway I need to go eat breakfast and keep working on this chronic chronicness.
@Dallady Hi. Part of your pain, in my opinion is that Louise Hay and people like her are selling you a load of …. I say that because they tell you to “make your reality.” When their incantations don’t produce the magic they promised you, they say it is because you didn’t believe strongly enough. So you wear yourself out trying to find the magic to believe enough in the magic they are selling you. Tara Brach probably doesn’t sell these ideas, but I got tired of her quickly, there are more interesting meditation teachers. D. Chopra is another snake oil salesman. These folks take the truth and add on to it. The truth would suffice, but it doesn’t sell books, and that is why they add the fairy tale of universal control at your fingertips. The best advice I heard from a meditation teacher was, be discerning in who you follow. The truth as I see it, you can’t manifest stuff in the outer universe. Imagine the new car, house, spouse, business deal of a lifetime as hard as you fricken can. Positive affirmation till it comes out of all your orifices. It isn’t going to affect the outer universe one little bit. Get in touch with your self, bring happiness and love out in yourself, and indeed, you’ll see choices you never had. Your world can be more magical, and it can indeed be full of things you never thought possible. But it doesn’t require belief, and it isn’t some unseen force you’ve tapped into in the universe. It’s available to you simply and seemingly magically when you have gotten out of your own way. And it isn’t always a “big wow moment”, sometimes it comes as a simple appreciation for having gained the wisdom of taking a baby step in what seems like the right direction. Sometimes it is the letting go of grandiose plans and being grateful for what one has. Some days it is anything but satisfying or magical, but realizing that if it doesn’t feel ok, how am I creating my own suffering. All of your reactions to the world are internal. All of them. All of your happiness is internal. If that were that not the case, then every child’s toy would be the favorite toy and as exciting as it was when it was first received. Why would they decide it should become disinteresting 5 minutes after they got it. It’s not a child-only phenomenon, adults do the same thing.
Get some rest. Eat well. Keep heading toward happiness. You’ll get there.
I've been thinking that too about Louise Hay and Tara Brach and so forth and it really has been a part of the pain - creating some expectation around healing.
I seem to have overcome that a bit today and am seeing it more clearly for what it is.
Taking what I like and leaving what I don't more.
@helpfulAvocado7912