My Hobbies Don't Fit In

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. But the number of people segregating a certain hobby or interest is disproportionately skewed.

As someone born on the cusp of revolution and a middle child, I can't be bothered with more 'acceptable' hobbies like crochet or scrapbooks; I seem destined to poke at the sleeping bear of uncertainty, stare at the sun and explore the shadows on my own terms - even if it means alienation, massive struggles and sacrifice beyond what I'd like.

A part of me wants to be more normal. Especially when I was younger, where my 'personality' may have swung low towards manic pixie dream girl in a way to compensate or apologize for who I am. Which you can imagine was *great* for my self-esteem, sense of well-being and identity.

Pair this sweet chariot with being highly independent, issues with authority and a soft spot for the underdog and I become apparently nothing to some but a black hole for suspicious ridicule and judgement.

The taboo hobby or interest I've been doing on and off for half my life, that sends shivers down the spines of others and becomes a problem in even the most accepting of spaces is...did you guess it? Yup! Astrology, tarot, oracle and other things such as runes, numerology and more cards like angel, colour language and animal spirit. 

If I were to play a song for people, write them a poem or weave them a piece of art, they'd probably like it and appreciate the gift. It would be a cool way to introduce myself and break the ice. It's okay for me to share that hobby or interest. But offer to pull cards for someone, or even ask about their sign? It's like a stink bomb goes off. It gets real witch-hunt real fast.

I do think being a middle child and revvie cusp has something to do with it. I see clearly and am deeply affected by the limitations of people, places and things and how it could improve. And for many this is a threat to their ego and not okay.

In fact 😔 as a woman, nothing I do is okay. It's dangerous to even take the trash out, speak my mind or generally exist because it is an insult to the more 'powerful' and "privileged" sex, men and males, especially white ones.

If a woman is assaulted, abused or neglected every 30 seconds (and that's being fair.), then maybe it's not so invalid that we feel fundamentally wrong just for being born and doing what we do and sometimes wish we had never been.

So maybe my weird hobbies or interests are the least of my worries. I've had random strange men open the window to my apartment, assault or silence me 'for my own good, to help me' and break the law over and over. I don't really see women streetracing around neighborhoods with their mufflers cut off, staring at other women like they're sex objects while grocery shopping or sexually harassing their co-workers on a regular basis. I suppose men do it because they can and get away with it for the shame and guilt buried so deep in women's bones.

Ultimately, I wish I could be on a planet with only good people. Where bikes rides come before business, and the streets are lined with trees, not heroin needles and cracked pavement, but I'm not. So all I can do is adapt and move on, stay humble and grateful, knowing beauty exists in the struggle through gaining something that might help another. And maybe that's enough. Who knows? Let's see how the cards fall, what's written in the stars. Or maybe not.