Blissful Chatter's Space

@blissfulChatter7642

I fixed some typos

I'm having a very hard time right now, and I am trying to find any ways to shed the low helpless and hopelessness I feel. I need to find something to change everything as reaching out for help just isnt working. Ive seen that everybody has so much going on in their lives and they dont understand how hard it is for me. Lots of people quickly change the subject and I don't seem to be able to find my fit in the world. Pressures or some emotional inbalances are driving me into many severely dark thoughts of giving up on problems I have not been able to solve. Ive gone to the hospital, but they see me as a very well spoken capible person and I am not able to get help I know I need. I see many flaws in a system that is supposed to be here to help us when we are in need, but clearly see that money is at the center reason the help isnt real, or anything but a show.

Im thinking about ending my suffering. They tell me I am very saine so I must just have come to this conclusion due to a very logical assesment. I am sad abour it, but I don't have the energy to continue endless suffering. I believe it is not mental illness that brings me to this decision, but it is my clear thinking and years of actually working hard to find the help which had shown me there is no help for the frail or weak. I just spent most of the day researching painless ways to go. I contimplated contacting crisis but I've going through all of that dozens of times in the past, and followed all of their advice and I know that just leads to long delays and suffering alone with nothing ever actually being solved. I don't want anybody to be sad, but I do want to leave this as a record for anybody that reads this to look into the criminal over prescribing of medications in the US that leads us to loose all confidence, and please look into the after-care the hospitals reccomend (as a way to simply turn us away) which often turns out to be into a loup of insurance fraud, or simply fake completey like when the released me from inpatient telling me I had a 10:45AM appointment to a (certain place) I went directly there, and there was no appointment, and they do not to take my insurance; which directly abandons patients in dire need of something real to hold on to as hope. I have endured many injustices, and more than a dozen lifetimes of discouragement, losses, abuse, and being taken advantage of, and was a kind thoughtful person that tried my best to overcome and survive it all. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I am proud of how long I kept on trying, and further oroud that I never lashed out at anybody that wrobged me. I go with a clean conscience and kind soul knowing that I tried my very level best. Our leaders should be ashamed of themselves for allowing the mental health care system to be able to put on a show which in reality they blame the patients for theur crimes all in efforts to make money, while the state saves money. It is all aparent to many who suffered a very long time, and once they figure out what I have figured out, they loose all hope. People made money by our suffering, and the state and federal government saves money when we end our lives in the way of end our disability income: one by one we cannot get the help. The state medicare will onlt allow us to get therapy by a licenced social worker, so we do not have access to an actual pyscologist. There are no ethics in the mental health system if they continue to be allowed to pick and choose who they see as they seek the patients that have the best insurance, and stay away from cases where they label harder cases as having "personality disorder" thats is a degrading label to be given so early on, and is the code they use to flag people with more serious emotional problems