Blissful Chatter's Space

I woke up unable to breath like dry lungs, unable to move for a short time both arms numb and an overall dreadful ora of fear far beyond the breathing i was consinstrating on. I feel like i have to let go of hope and escape the pain. My brain and soul feel tormented. I always wake up with a bad feeling of death and doom and slowly walk towards slowly finding out what my body needs like water and 7cups. I have a lot of fear that i might lose control of my ability to stay calm yet another day. Im always so kind but i may be way to kind because its not helping to bring anybody closer, i seem to have the opposite affect and it eludes me. I guess when people see me, they dont see my bone pain or breathing problems, they percieve me so wrong. Im not lazy, just broken and to poor to engauge. I need better quality people. I almost never get out of the house.

Inside ive already half-died, Lord knows i've tried to get out the pain inside